On her 28th birthday, Kaylee Muthart reflects on a traumatic event eight years ago that permanently robbed her of her sight, following a harrowing psychotic episode induced by methamphetamine.
A Descent into Darkness and a Chilling Sacrifice
In February 2018, then 20-year-old Kaylee Muthart's life changed forever. The former straight-A student, who had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, was days away from entering rehab after her mother raised serious concerns. Her path took a catastrophic turn after she smoked a joint laced with methamphetamine, coinciding with a painful breakup and a severe mental breakdown.
On 6 February 2018, while under the influence of a high dose of meth, Kaylee began hallucinating. She wandered towards a church in her home state of Florida, consumed by a delusion that she later detailed in Cosmopolitan magazine. She became convinced she needed to "sacrifice something important to save the world."
"I thought everything would end abruptly, and everyone would die, if I didn't tear out my eyes immediately," Kaylee explained. "I don't know how I came to that conclusion, but I felt it was, without doubt, the right, rational thing to do immediately."
The Haunting Act and a Cry for Light
In the grip of this terrifying meth-induced psychosis, Kaylee proceeded to gouge out her own eyeballs. As she carried out the act, her screams were heard by a nearby pastor. She yelled six haunting words that encapsulated her distorted mission: "I want to see the light!"
By the time she was restrained, it was too late. Her eyeballs were already removed, and she was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery. The damage was irreversible, leaving the young woman completely and permanently blind.
Building a New Life in the Aftermath
In the years since the tragedy, Kaylee Muthart has demonstrated extraordinary courage. She entered rehab, got clean, and committed to rebuilding her life. She attended a school for the blind, completed her high school diploma, and mastered essential skills like braille and assistive communication technologies.
Now a devoted Christian, Kaylee finds profound comfort in her faith. She wears prosthetic eyes and has spoken openly about the complex emotions surrounding her loss. She sometimes ponders what her life might have been like had the self-mutilation never occurred, wondering about the faces of loved ones and the colour of her cat, whom she acquired after losing her sight.
"It's like, imagine someone explaining to you what a character on a TV show looked like," she said. "They could tell you all the different attributes but until you look at them you will never know." She also experiences visual hallucinations, which she interprets as "God not letting me be in the darkness."
Remarkably, Kaylee has reframed her blindness as a form of protection. She revealed that being sightless acts as a "blessing" that makes relapsing into drug addiction almost impossible. For her, a life without vision is ultimately more appealing than a life chained to substance abuse.
Her story stands as a stark warning about the devastating potential of drug-induced psychosis and a powerful testament to human resilience in the face of unimaginable trauma.
