How would you feel about naming your favourite thing about yourself? For most British women, according to a recent Stylist magazine survey, the very thought is enough to make them squirm.
The publication's Love Yourself campaign asked over 400 women precisely this question, publishing eight pages of their answers. Respondents typically chose modest, specific qualities – from culinary skills and physical strength to social confidence and particular physical attributes.
The Cultural Roots of Self-Deprecation
This discomfort with self-praise runs deep in British culture, where being 'full of yourself' ranks among the worst social offences. Emma Beddington, a Guardian columnist, describes this phenomenon as 'toxic humility' – a tendency toward excessive self-deprecation that provides a 'masochistic buzz' when it prompts others to offer reassurance.
This isn't merely individual insecurity but reflects broader cultural conditioning. Scandinavian countries have the 'law of Jante' expressing social disapproval of those who consider themselves special, while Ireland has the concept of 'notions'. In Britain, we take paradoxical pride in our self-effacement.
The Backlash Against Braggarts
Of course, the pendulum can swing too far in the opposite direction. The age of LinkedIn braggarts provides ample cautionary examples, with one recent study finding that exaggerating professional achievements on the platform can effectively mask incompetence.
High-profile examples like Donald Trump claiming Nobel prize worthiness or possessing 'one of the highest IQs' demonstrate the extreme end of this spectrum. Meanwhile, British television presenter Claudia Winkleman wins public affection precisely through her self-deprecating claims of being 'an orange muppet' who owes her career to a distinctive fringe.
The Science of Self-Affirmation
Despite cultural resistance, evidence increasingly supports the benefits of positive self-regard. A meta-study published in October, reviewing 129 papers on self-affirmation, found that reflecting on personal values and positive traits had measurable positive effects on wellbeing and self-worth lasting approximately two weeks.
The research demonstrates that telling ourselves we're good actually makes us feel good – a simple yet powerful psychological mechanism that many Brits deny themselves due to cultural programming.
Perhaps the solution lies in starting small and gradually building what Beddington calls 'self-love muscles'. She offers her own beginning: 'I'm pretty good at meeting deadlines.' In a culture that prizes humility above self-care, such small affirmations might represent the first step toward healthier self-esteem.
