A recent investigation by Lydia Spencer-Elliott into why men often avoid therapy has sparked a significant conversation among readers of The Independent. The piece, published on Thursday 4 December 2025, explored the barriers men face in seeking mental health support, despite evidence of a growing crisis.
The Weight of Social Conditioning and Stigma
Many respondents pointed to deeply ingrained social conditioning as a primary reason for male reluctance. They argued that from a young age, men are taught to project an image of strength and self-reliance, making it profoundly difficult to admit vulnerability. Breaking "the habit of a lifetime" was highlighted as a major challenge. The persistent stigma within male peer groups, where emotional openness is still frequently misconstrued as weakness, was cited as a powerful deterrent to asking for help.
One reader, MellieC, encapsulated this tension, noting, "I suspect that men are far more delicate than we are allowed to see... sharing it would threaten the identity they’ve built for themselves." This fear of undermining one's own carefully constructed identity, especially during life-changing events, can prevent men from reaching out.
Defending Therapy and Challenging Misconceptions
Amidst the discussion of barriers, a strong contingent of readers defended the value of therapy, seeking to redefine what it entails. A therapist commenting under the name Owen stressed that therapy isn't just about "talking about feelings". He explained it is often a practical process focused on understanding behaviour, finding solutions, and facilitating desired change, particularly for his many male clients under 35.
Others who had benefited from therapy emphasised the courage it takes to seek help in a culture that can mock or dismiss such actions. McDoom argued powerfully, "It is bitterly ironic that the more it’s decried as weak and despicable to seek help, the more courage and strength are required to actually do it." The core message from this group was clear: needing and asking for help is not a sign of weakness.
Distrust, Differences, and Alternative Support
Not all feedback was positive towards conventional therapy. Some readers expressed deep scepticism, with commenter Donalds Troosers stating he had "lost faith in it," characterising the industry as money-driven and questioning the genuineness of paid therapists. Others, like DaveAni, warned against a culture shift towards what he termed "emotional incontinence," where constant emotional display is expected.
The conversation also highlighted perceived gender differences in coping mechanisms. Sunflower remarked, "Men are wired differently to women. In my experience, talking doesn't really help," and pointed to perceived hypocrisy where men showing vulnerability are sometimes still viewed as weak. This underscores the need for diverse support models.
One highly praised alternative emerged: Men's Sheds. A member, MensShedMan, championed these community workshops for providing a safe, non-judgemental space where men can connect "shoulder to shoulder" through practical activities. He highlighted that most sheds are free, removing financial barriers, and directed readers to menssheds.org.uk and scottishmsa.org.uk for more information.
The collective response reveals a complex landscape where stigma, conditioning, and mistrust continue to prevent many men from accessing therapy, even as its advocates work to demystify it and alternative support networks grow. The dialogue underscores a critical need for broader societal compassion and for communicating the varied, practical forms help can take.
