Britain is facing a friendship crisis as a generation increasingly prioritises personal comfort over social commitments, turning self-care into widespread selfishness. New data reveals an alarming trend where young people are abandoning plans at the last minute, leaving hosts facing financial losses and emotional disappointment.
The Cancellation Epidemic in Numbers
Recent research highlights a stark generational divide in social behaviour. While only 31 per cent of people aged 55 or over admitted to flaking on plans, a staggering 68 per cent of 18-to-34 year-olds confessed to regularly bailing on social engagements. This flaking phenomenon has reached epidemic proportions, with more than a third of adults admitting they've lied about why they cancelled plans - rising to 45 per cent among younger demographics.
The human cost of this trend became painfully clear at a recent 30th birthday celebration in Notting Hill. The organiser hired a bar with a minimum spend of £1,000, expecting 50 confirmed guests to easily cover costs. Only 15 people actually attended, leaving the birthday girl to pay the substantial shortfall herself. Similarly, another host purchased 200 pairs of headphones for a silent disco, only to welcome just 25 guests to their milestone celebration.
Understanding the Flaking Phenomenon
Multiple factors drive this social shift, with experts pointing to post-pandemic behavioural changes and economic pressures. Michelle Elman, author of Bad Friend and How To Say No, observes that "we've lost that clear boundary between work and our social life" since the pandemic. She notes that technology means we're working more hours than ever, leaving social connections squeezed out and many people constantly nearing burnout.
The cost of living crisis significantly contributes to this trend. With London rents averaging £2,243 monthly according to ONS figures, many young people are choosing to "enjoy their rent" rather than spend on social activities. The expense of being a wedding guest now consumes roughly 20 per cent of an average monthly salary, making staying home financially appealing.
Mental Health and Modern Friendship
Young people frequently cite mental health as their reason for opting out of plans, with 47 per cent of 18-34s using this explanation compared to 31 per cent of those over 55. However, Elman distinguishes between genuine struggles and convenience cancellations: "When you open that door and you're vulnerable with the people around you and tell them what's really going on, it gives them a chance to support you."
The rise of individualistic culture and what Elman calls "the fetishisation of introversion" has normalised behaviours like "bed rotting" and celebrating isolation. Social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok overflow with content glorifying staying home, while therapy terms like "boundaries" are often misused to justify flakiness. Elman clarifies: "You don't owe someone an explanation of your boundaries, or for saying no - but you do if you cancel."
This cultural shift towards prioritising self above all else has created what 29-year-old Lauren describes as "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" scenario with friends constantly cancelling. The consequence is increasing loneliness, with 40 per cent of adults aged 16-29 reporting they often or always feel lonely. As Elman warns, this individualistic approach ultimately backfires: "If you have no people around you, the day you end up in hospital, there'll be nobody there."
