A reader has written to agony aunt Coleen about feeling angry, jealous and upset ahead of her ex-husband's wedding, which is due to take place in a couple of weeks. Although she is glad the marriage ended and is now in a new relationship with someone who makes her happy, she cannot work out why the upcoming wedding is affecting her so deeply.
The reader, who was with her ex for nearly 20 years, says it feels as though all those years counted for nothing. She admits to feeling envious of the life his new wife will enjoy with him, describing him as a successful man. She is doing her best to hide her feelings from their two teenage children, who will both be at their dad's wedding, and from her partner.
Grieving the end of an era
Coleen suggests the reader is grieving the end of an era and may also be experiencing some jealousy. She reminds her that the relationship was far from perfect at the end, which is why they divorced, and advises her not to dwell on the good times but to remember the painful reasons for the split.
Coleen stresses that it is not true to say the last 20 years counted for nothing. The reader made great memories and raised two lovely children together, and she should focus on those positives, especially as the children are coping well and are happy for their dad.
Focus on your new beginning
Coleen warns the reader not to let these feelings spiral and set her back, noting that both she and her ex are happy again in new relationships. She reassures her that his new wife is not taking her place and that her children will never love her more than they love her.
Coleen adds that it is the end of something and it is OK to feel a bit sad, but she advises the reader not to let it take hold of her. She suggests focusing on her new beginning and planning something lovely to do with her partner on her ex's wedding day.
