Olivia Wilde has sparked a conversation about sexual communication, arguing that people often discuss intimate details with friends instead of their partners. The director made the comments following the release of her film The Invite, which explores polyamory among married couples.
“People talk about sex with everyone except their partner,” Wilde told Tyla. “This movie is saying, have the conversation. Talk about it. You might be holding yourself back in a way you don’t even realise.”
Study Reveals Communication Gap
According to a 2024 study by the Royal College of Occupational Therapists, the average Brit has sex about 46 times per year, but couples discuss sex only 37 to 41 times annually. Men feel most comfortable talking about intimacy with their partner (42%), while women are more likely to confide in friends (40%) than their partner (35%).
Clinical sexologist Ness Cooper explains that sharing with friends can be a form of “social learning,” helping to normalise sex and reduce performance pressure. However, she warns that such conversations may hide deeper issues.
“It may be a sign that you have hidden intentions,” Cooper said. “We could be using our friends to test things out, or share something we’re lacking sexually and want to rant about rather than work it through with our partners.”
Boundaries and Intentions Matter
Debbie Keenan, a senior BACP accredited psychotherapist, emphasises that discussing sex with friends should support the relationship, not replace direct communication. “What matters is couples communicate openly about their boundaries, respect each other’s preferences, and make sure conversations support the relationship rather than undermine trust,” she told Metro.
Cooper adds that while friend conversations can provide perspective, they can also become overwhelming or even sabotage a relationship if not handled with boundaries.
Tips for Better Sexual Communication
Sex expert Asa Baav advises focusing on positive language. Instead of saying “I hate when you do X,” try “I would really love it if you did Y.” He suggests starting slow and sharing what works well to encourage more of that behaviour.
Wilde’s message is clear: have the conversation with your partner. As she puts it, you might be holding yourself back without realising it.
