American late-night television hosts have launched a scathing critique of the Trump administration's immigration enforcement tactics and the president's peculiar policy priorities, focusing on the conduct of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) and a new law concerning school milk.
Meyers Mocks 'Army of Out-of-Shape Uncles'
On his Wednesday night broadcast, Seth Meyers dissected the gap between President Trump's campaign promises on immigration and the reality of ICE's operations. Meyers recalled that Trump repeatedly vowed to focus deportation efforts on "violent criminals," a popular stance he characterised as a deliberate falsehood.
"It would have been much less popular if Trump had announced his plan was to hire an army of out-of-shape uncles to hang around Target and aggressively ask people where they were born," Meyers quipped. "And that’s what’s really happening."
To illustrate his point, Meyers showed footage of ICE agents blocking roads and using pepper spray on students at a high school in Minnesota, alongside clips of arrests occurring at a Target store. "Why the hell is ICE spending time at Target?" he demanded. "What’s next? Are they going to deport the Target dog?"
Lowered Standards and Public Backlash
The segment highlighted serious concerns about ICE's rapid expansion. The agency has reportedly struggled with new recruits failing to meet basic fitness standards, which include 15 push-ups, 32 sit-ups, and a 1.5-mile run in 14 minutes. Senior officials within ICE have privately labelled the recruitment process "pathetic" and "a disaster."
Meyers pointed out that vetting failures meant some recruits had criminal backgrounds or failed drug tests. Furthermore, nearly half of candidates failed a written exam, even when it was open-book. "How the fuck do you fail an open-book test?" Meyers laughed, suggesting the recruits might misunderstand the term.
Citing polls showing widespread public disapproval, Meyers concluded: "Most Americans do not want armed agents wreaking havoc in their schools, neighborhoods and grocery stores, especially when those armed agents are not even qualified for the job."
Kimmel and Colbert on Milk and More
Over on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the host first touched on Trump's interest in purchasing Greenland, joking that "nobody wants to be" part of the United States currently. He then turned to the president's Wednesday event at the White House.
Kimmel revealed that what was initially reported as an MLK (Martin Luther King) event was, in fact, about "M-I-L-K." Trump had gathered officials to sign a bipartisan bill overturning Obama-era rules to allow schools to serve whole and 2% milk again.
Trump emphasised, "It’s not 'hole' milk. It’s 'whole' milk." A baffled Kimmel responded, "Does he think that we think that milk comes from a hole? I mean, if there’s milk coming from your hole, you either need to get to a doctor or a farm and quit."
Stephen Colbert on The Late Show also mocked the milk bill, joking it was great news for "about 2%" of Americans. He sarcastically endorsed Trump's clarification: "Yes, very important distinction... Trump had to make that distinction to avoid copyright infringement, because hole milk without the W pretty sure is the plot of Heated Rivalry."
Colbert also played a clip from a Ford factory tour where a worker called Trump a "pedophile protector," to which the president responded by flashing his middle finger. "You saw that right. Apparently Trump has designated a new national bird," Colbert said, calling it "the most crudely hostile response from the leader of our country." He used the moment to demand the release of the long-promised Epstein files.
The collective monologues from Meyers, Kimmel, and Colbert underscore a deepening comedic critique of the administration's policy execution and the president's personal focus, blending serious concerns over immigration enforcement standards with absurdist humour about dairy products.
