Shirley Ballas, the head judge of Strictly Come Dancing, has publicly responded to former professional dancer Brendan Cole's claims about a fiery on-air disagreement that he suggested contributed to his 2018 departure from the BBC show.
The Infamous 'My Dear' Incident
The clash, which has become a notorious part of Strictly lore, occurred during the 2017 series. Brendan Cole, who had been a core part of the show since its 2004 launch, was dancing with celebrity partner Charlotte Hawkins. After their Tango, Shirley Ballas offered critique and suggested Cole review a video of the performance.
Cole's retort, "I will, my dear," sparked immediate controversy. He later admitted to the Daily Mail that the phrase was patronising and expressed regret, stating he hadn't meant to cause offence. He described the intense pressure of the live show, wanting the best for his partner, and feeling vulnerable as they were not frontrunners.
"All I know is you can't put a foot wrong," Cole reflected. "You can't even dip a toe on the other side within that world because it will be taken, it will be run with, and before long you're in a s***storm." Fellow judge Bruno Tonioli also reportedly advised him to be more respectful.
Ballas's Account and Alleged Scepticism
In her 2025 memoir, Best Foot Forward, Shirley Ballas provides her perspective on the long-running tension. She claims that Brendan Cole expressed scepticism about her before she even began her role as head judge in 2017, taking over from Len Goodman.
Ballas recounts an incident on spin-off show It Takes Two, where host Zoe Ball asked if the professional dancers would be desperate to impress the new judge. According to Ballas, Cole "pompously fired back" that it was she who should be looking to impress them, as they had all been on the show longer.
"That set the tone," Ballas wrote, "and he paved the way to disaster from there." She also suggested his remarks may have stemmed from not being chosen for the head judge role himself, believing he had auditioned for the position.
The Aftermath and Lasting Impact
Brendan Cole was dropped from Strictly Come Dancing in 2018, with BBC insiders at the time alleging he had become "difficult to work with." Appearing on ITV's Lorraine, Cole said he was "in shock" at the "editorial decision" not to bring him back, calling himself emotional, raw, and very disappointed.
Shirley Ballas alleges in her book that Cole spent the series "trying anything and everything" to put her down, with the tension culminating in the explosive week three 'my dear' incident. The fallout from that single comment, as described by both parties, highlights the intense, high-pressure environment of live television and the lasting consequences of on-screen disputes.
Shirley Ballas can next be seen on Saturday Kitchen Live on BBC One.
