Martine McCutcheon, best known for her role as Natalie in the film Love Actually, has spoken candidly about her struggles with ME, depression, and anxiety, and how she has channelled her experiences into a new album. The 41-year-old actress and singer, who rose to fame on EastEnders before launching a successful pop career, says she hit rock bottom after a failed attempt to break into Hollywood and a prolonged period of ill health.
McCutcheon moved to Los Angeles in 2004 after winning an Olivier award for her role in My Fair Lady and catching the eye of director Richard Curtis. However, she felt out of place and struggled to find suitable roles. 'I don't think the agency knew what to do with me,' she says. After a pilot she made was turned down, she returned to the UK, heartbroken. 'I had this dream of Hollywood and what it would be like... but when I got there and felt the desperation in the room, I just went home and cried.'
Her health deteriorated, and she was eventually diagnosed with ME, depression, and Lyme disease. She was bedridden on and off for eight years, often wheelchair-bound, and had suicidal thoughts. In 2013, she was declared bankrupt and bailiffs seized her engagement ring. 'I lost everything, but in a way it was quite liberating,' she says. 'When you hit rock bottom it stops mattering.'
Now, with the support of her husband, music producer Jack McManus, McCutcheon has released her first album since 2002. The songs, written over the past eight years, were initially a form of therapy. 'I was seriously unwell, I'd had problems trying to have my baby. I was in a dark place,' she says. 'All the emotions that you go through at times like that: resilience, wanting to give up, depression, grit and feeling like you can persevere.'
