Daily Star agony aunt Jane O'Gorman offers straight-talking advice to readers facing personal dilemmas, from exploring same-sex attraction to navigating workplace humiliation.
Exploring a New Relationship
A reader who recently kissed another woman and enjoyed it seeks guidance on how to proceed. She describes getting naked, kissing, and touching but not having full sex. She wants to take things further and believes they could be great together. They are messaging and flirting, but neither has been in a same-sex relationship before. The reader has been single for years after a painful breakup with an ex who played cruel mind games, leaving her wary of being hurt again. She asks how to protect herself while trusting her new love interest.
Jane advises: "Simply be honest. Tell this woman that you like her and would love to take things further, but you don't play games. Explain that you've been hurt in the past and still feel vulnerable." She suggests getting to know each other gradually, having fun, and taking each day as it comes. "Even if this relationship doesn't work out, then the next one might. Try not to think in terms of male and female lovers. Clearly, you've clicked with this person; this individual. Another partner might be male or female, and you don't want to miss out on happiness by being hung up by labels."
Dealing with a Workplace Snub
Another reader describes being snubbed and humiliated by a female colleague they had been flirting with for months. They sat together at lunchtimes and gossiped about colleagues. However, at a recent office social in a swanky hotel, the colleague completely ignored them. She walked in, said "Hi," and spent the night with influential people from head office. The reader ended up drowning their sorrows with two new recruits who felt sorry for them. The next day, the colleague tried to talk again, leaving the reader confused.
Jane advises: "Stick your chin in the air and get through this. I understand that you feel raw, but people aren't always straightforward and life isn't always fair. We're all humiliated at least once in our lives; we misread signals or people have an agenda." She recommends being the bigger person: smile, say 'good morning,' then carry on walking. Forget the gossiping and find someone new to chat with at lunchtimes. "I'm not suggesting you make an enemy of your colleague, but I get the impression that she's a user; someone who has lent on you to avoid being on her own. Wise up and accept that she isn't what she seems."
