A reader who recently ended a 10-year relationship has met a new man and fears she may have scared him off by suggesting multiple future meet-ups. The pair bonded over stories of their ex-partners and shared a kiss, but when she proposed meeting again, he said he would check his diary and get back to her.
The Reader's Dilemma
The reader, who was with her ex since age 18, explains: "We hung out at the pub recently and had a real laugh... We had a quick kiss afterwards, which felt really lovely." She suggested meeting this weekend, then the following weekend, but he only replied he'd look at dates. "I'm cringing a bit in case I've come across as a bit too keen and scared him off," she writes.
Coleen's Advice
Coleen Nolan, the agony aunt, reassures her: "It is weird when you start dating again after being out of the game for a long time, but try not to overthink everything. He might just be busy." She advises the reader to stop pushing and let him make the next move. "If he had a good time, too, and wants to see you again, he'll find a space in his schedule and get in touch."
Coleen also notes that he may not be ready for something serious so soon after his last relationship. "But that doesn't mean you can't keep it light, have fun and see where it leads, without putting pressure on each other." Once they've had a few dates, they can discuss what they want from a relationship.
Healing After a Long Relationship
Coleen emphasises the importance of taking time to heal. "It can be good to be single for a while to get to know yourself again and work out what you want," she says, sharing her own experience after her second divorce. "When I did start dating again I felt stronger and more confident because I knew I was OK on my own."
Her final advice: "If it's meant to be with this guy, there's no rush. Sit back, enjoy his company and don't put so much pressure on yourself."
