A man in his late fifties has revealed he is "dreading" Christmas this year due to mounting financial pressure from his family to fund increasingly extravagant celebrations.
The Hidden Cost of Family Traditions
Despite appearing successful from the outside—married with three adult children and three young grandchildren—the man, who wrote to leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov, confessed the festive season now brings anxiety. The long-standing tradition of hosting Christmas at his home has evolved into an assumption that he and his wife will not only host but also pay for most of it, creating a "special" experience for the grandchildren.
This year, the expectation has escalated further. The family is now operating on the assumption that the couple will pay for a holiday house right on the water, a move the writer describes as "not cheap. Not even close." When he suggests a simpler, more affordable alternative, he is made to feel like he is spoiling the fun, with responses such as "It's Christmas" or "You can afford it."
Planning for the Future vs. Funding the Present
The core of the issue, he explains, is that this spending impacts real money needed for his and his wife's future. With limited working years left, the couple is acutely aware that bills persist long after the Christmas decorations are packed away. He loves his family but is tired of feeling guilty for wanting to be financially careful and pretending the current level of spending is sustainable.
"Am I being unreasonable for wanting to rein things in?" he asked, signing off as "Feeling Fed Up."
Expert Advice: You're Being Realistic, Not Unreasonable
In her response, Vanessa Stoykov was unequivocal: "You're not being unreasonable - you're being realistic." She identified the situation as common for couples at this life stage, where reliability has quietly morphed into obligation.
Stoykov emphasised that funding a premium holiday let is a significant financial decision. She challenged the "once a year" argument, noting that Christmas spending must still be affordable and exists alongside mortgages, future income needs, and long-term lifestyle goals.
"Wanting to choose a cheaper place to stay isn't being tight," she wrote. "It's recognising that memories don't come from postcode or price tag - they come from time together." She reassured the writer that children remember presence, not whether a house was beachfront or budget.
Her practical advice included:
- You do not owe a detailed breakdown of your finances.
- Use a calm, consistent message like, "We're keeping things simpler this year."
- Anyone who pushes back is reacting to changed expectations, not a lack of love.
For ongoing stress, Stoykov recommended consulting a financial adviser to model what is affordable now and in the coming years. This external clarity can make family conversations less emotional. She even offered her free referral service to find a qualified adviser.
Stoykov concluded by affirming that Christmas traditions are allowed to change as families evolve. Wanting a simpler celebration does not make someone the villain; it signifies thoughtful planning for the future they are still building.
