A funeral crasher has revealed he is paid to carry out people's last requests, no matter how strange or “uncomfortable” they may be. Joshua Weaver, 43, handles non-traditional post-mortem instructions, including confessions of love, hate or secrets, sensitive asset recovery, final messages, dark humour and even pranks.
He said sometimes this involves revealing that people cheated on their partners. “There is a lot of grief or secrecy that is revealed in my work. People have different lives that their loved ones may not be aware of,” he said.
Emotional deliveries and confessions of infidelity
Joshua, of Washington, US, is often asked to deliver gifts and meaningful cards to loved ones after a death on notable dates, such as birthdays or Christmas. He said this can be quite emotional for the recipient. “Sometimes I will sit there for a moment with them because they have questions. Other times, you know they just want to be alone and I am just there to be the messenger,” he explained.
“Sometimes it is a confession of infidelity, and that can be hard because you know that person will have a lot of questions and emotions that will arise from that. A dying person might say, ‘I want them to know the truth after I’ve gone.’ And then it’s your responsibility to deliver it, no matter how uncomfortable it will be,” he added.
From chardonnay to tombstone recipes
Other requests are less extreme. One client asked Joshua to ensure a crate of her favourite chardonnay was interred with her coffin. Another woman, hounded for her secret chocolate chip cookie recipe, asked him to ensure it is carved on her tombstone when her time comes. Another has asked whether he will stand at the back of her funeral in dark glasses, acting mysteriously to raise questions among the congregation.
One client asked him to deliver seed cards to her funeral so guests could take one away and plant wildflowers in her memory. “I think she had just felt like she had been too much of a burden on her family already, so by asking me to do this small thing, it was an act of remembrance that didn’t require help from anyone else,” he said.
Practical tasks and the inspiration behind the job
But other requests are more practical. “It might be someone just saying, ‘Hey, I’ve got some adult toys in my nightstand. Can you please make sure that my parents don't see them?’” he said. Joshua sees his role as providing peace of mind to the dying and reducing the burden on the living, who are already managing grief while arranging a funeral.
The idea came to him during the pandemic when, unable to carry on working in hospitality, he started thinking about a career change. “There was a lot of uncertainty, and that's when I ran across an interview that Bill Edgar had done, someone who does a very similar thing in Australia,” he said. Bill Edgar is an Australian private detective who became known as the “Coffin Confessor” after a client asked him to crash his funeral and reveal that his best friend had been having an affair with his wife.
Joshua said: “I read an interview with Bill where he spoke about several different clients that he had helped. It really touched me, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.” He started talking to friends and family about his proposed career change, who were initially shocked but then began suggesting ways he could help them.
Pets, personal messages, and changing views on death
A lot of dying people are concerned about what will happen to their pets, so Joshua can ensure they remain with their owner until the last moment, before personally taking them to a friend, family member or chosen rescue home. He can also be tasked with handing out messages or letters after people have died, although he says verbal requests are more personal.
His first client was a dear friend dying of cancer in hospice care. “He asked me to give them a very personal message. It wasn't written; it was verbal. He wanted me to make sure that they knew he understood how hard it was to take care of him. He wanted me to thank them and just tell them how much he loved them and appreciated them for everything they had done,” Joshua said.
He was pleased to deliver the message, saying it almost felt like a gift. “I could make sure his last wish was honoured. I felt like I had done right by him,” he added. Payment varies depending on how long a request takes, but Joshua says that, in principle, he is up for almost anything. He lists his services on his website: funeralcrasher.com.
“There are ethical boundaries and legal boundaries that I have to consider, but nothing is off the table. Nothing is too small or too big,” he said. That is, unless it means confessing to something illegal as he does not wish to incriminate himself. “This work has taught me that humans are very strange creatures, and that there is beauty in that,” he added.
The job has also changed Joshua’s own relationship with death, making him more present in his relationships. “When I used to be with people, I would be on my phone, texting or whatever. Now my phone is away,” he said. “I want to make sure I'm completely focused on this person, and I try to make sure that I tell people how important they are to me. My job has shown me that you're not guaranteed that last moment, and it serves as a reminder that you can’t always wait to say the important things. You need to say them now.”
