The Independent's journalism is supported by our readers. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn commission.
The Rise of the Multi-Year Engagement: A Modern Relationship Phenomenon
When a couple announces their engagement today, the traditional follow-up question "When's the wedding?" is increasingly met with answers spanning multiple years rather than months. What was once typically a 12 to 16-month countdown has transformed into engagements lasting two, three, or even more years, marking a significant shift in modern relationship timelines.
The 'Minus-One Anniversary' Party Phenomenon
Some couples are taking extended engagements to new levels with creative celebrations. Jody Watkins and Nicholas Brucculeri from Los Angeles exemplified this trend by hosting a "minus-one anniversary" party to mark the halfway point of their engagement. "We have to relish this engaged time we have together," Watkins explained to the New York Times about their celebration, which has become known as a "negative-one" anniversary party.
While celebrity engagements like Jean Todt and Michelle Yeoh's nearly two-decade betrothal or Amy Adams and Darren Le Gallo's seven-year engagement have made headlines, this practice has now extended well beyond the famous. The normalization of longer engagements represents a fundamental change in how contemporary couples approach marriage.
Changing Demographics and Life Priorities
Wedding planner and podcast host Hannah Rose identifies shifting demographics as a primary driver. "When people get engaged older, they often want to have a family quickly, so they focus on babies and buying a house," she explains, referencing the biological considerations that influence modern relationship timelines.
Office for National Statistics data reveals dramatic changes: while the average marriage age in 1972 was 25 for men and 23 for women, by 2023 this had increased to nearly 35 for men and 33 for women - a full decade later. "It's quite rare that we see people in their early twenties now," Rose observes. "And actually, if we do get a couple that age, we think, 'ooh, they're young.'"
Cameron and Jess, a 30-year-old couple engaged for nearly two years who have since welcomed their first child, illustrate this trend perfectly. "If we're blessed enough, we want to have maybe three or four children," Cameron explains. "That obliged us to start when we did. Jess doesn't want to be pregnant or trying for a baby when we get married. She wants to be able to enjoy the day."
The Financial Realities of Modern Weddings
Economic considerations play a substantial role in extended engagements. With the average UK wedding predicted to cost £32,000 by 2028, financial planning has become essential. "People get engaged and then they actually start to realise just how much things cost," says Rose. "It's not cheap to get married. So often people will have an engagement party if they're not getting married for a few years because they want to celebrate now and then save up properly."
Cameron confirms this financial reality: "We thought we might get married not so long after we got engaged - and then we looked at the cost for what we'd want. We wouldn't have been able to have the type of wedding we want to have. We don't want to get married for the sake of getting married."
Career Demands and Time Poverty
Professional commitments create another significant barrier to timely wedding planning. Research published in Qualitative Sociology reveals that wedding planning disproportionately falls to women in heterosexual couples, describing it as "another form of unpaid and unappreciated women's work." With women now outnumbering men in the college-educated workforce, time has become an increasingly scarce commodity.
"Sometimes, couples come to me who've been engaged for a year and have the money to book the ceremony but haven't done a thing," Rose notes. "They're normally really strong professional people with big careers who just do not have the time to plan."
Young finance professionals Emma and James, engaged since September 2024 without a set date, exemplify this challenge. "We work 8am until 6pm every day in London and it takes us an hour to commute home," Emma explains. "By the time we get home, all we want to do is veg out on the sofa. That's definitely made wedding planning a lot harder."
Decision Paralysis in the Age of Endless Choice
Modern couples face unprecedented levels of choice, leading to what experts call "decision fatigue." "We've really noticed in the wedding industry that decisions are taking longer now," says Rose. "People are sitting on things, going on TikTok, on Instagram, looking at other options and reviews. Whereas, a decade ago, you'd have gone to a wedding fair, seen a photographer and booked them."
Emma describes her experience with venue research spanning Italy, Spain, Portugal, and South Africa: "There's just unbelievable levels of choice and then wading through to find out how much each of them is is an absolute nightmare. No website gives you the price on anything. You enquire, get a brochure, wade through it, only to find out the cost of each thing is more than you've ever spent on anything."
Psychological Implications and Relationship Dynamics
Licensed relationship coach Jaime Bronstein offers nuanced perspective on extended engagements. "If you know your 'why' for the long engagement and you're clear on that and keep moving forwards, then it's all okay," she says. "But if you're stuck, with no planning going on, in this kind of limbo, not sure what's going on, it's unnecessary elongating... it's fear."
Bronstein emphasizes the importance of honest communication: "Be really open with each other. It can be like when a guy says he hasn't texted a girl back because he's 'too busy at work'. Work hasn't changed. The same as with dating or exercise: whenever you say you don't have time to do something in life, it's not the real truth. You've got to be honest with yourself."
This new landscape of extended engagements reflects broader societal shifts - from changing financial realities and career demands to evolving relationship expectations and decision-making processes in an age of overwhelming choice.
