As the UK swelters in a heatwave, a set of 39 rules for surviving the hot weather with British decorum has been proposed. The guidelines, which aim to balance common sense with a stiff upper lip, cover everything from dress codes to dietary choices.
Men are advised against wearing shorts to the office, as it is a place of work, not a beach. Women are urged to maintain decorum and avoid displaying too much flesh. Flip-flops are also banned, especially in parliamentary settings. Linen is recommended for its cooling properties, despite its ridiculous appearance.
The rules discourage excessive talk about the heatwave, noting that 33°C is not particularly hot compared to Seville or the Sahara. Barbecues are to be avoided due to fire risks, and children should not be allowed to play in fountains, as their squeals are irritating. Ice cream is encouraged, but curry is actually better for you in hot weather, as evidenced by its popularity in India.
Vulnerable groups, including the young, elderly, and those with breathing problems, are at risk, so checking on their wellbeing is advised. Pets also need plenty of water and cool conditions. However, the rules caution against panicking, noting that the Daily Express's 'killer heat' headlines are overblown.
Tea is recommended despite mixed evidence on its efficacy, while lager is discouraged, especially when consumed in large, inebriated crowds outside pubs. The hot spell is not evidence of global warming, just as cold February temperatures do not disprove it. If the heat becomes unbearable, finding a cave or shopping mall to cool off is suggested.
