Undercover England Fan Shocks Scots: “You’re a brave man,” laughed my Glasgow-based colleague when I told her my plan, “if things go wrong I’ll be ready to act as security.”
On paper, she was right; my idea of travelling to Scotland ahead of the World Cup as an undercover England fan was a little risky. The two nations have a bit of friction and people can sometimes take things the wrong way, especially when it comes to football.
It’s been nearly three decades since the Tartan Army last played at a World Cup, and having seen the party fans threw for the 2024 European Championships in Germany, I can honestly say that absence is a massive loss. Most national teams around the world have passionate supporters, but few can compete with the sheer fun and humour of Scotland.
The Tartan Army’s sharpest wit is often saved for poking fun at the Three Lions. Spend any time with the Scotland crowds and you’ll soon hear the Diego Maradona hokey-cokey song that ends on the line “he put the English out, out, out” or the distinctly politically incorrect “Harry Kane licks the windows on the bus.”
I was treated to renditions of both when I filmed myself walking through the Scotland crowds in an England shirt ahead of Scotland’s final clash with Hungary in Stuttgart two years ago. Despite being warned I’d be pelted with beer or some other worse substance, the worst it got was some booing. Banter and hugs vastly outnumbered the sweary insults I was expecting.
So ahead of the World Cup, I decided to see if the reaction to a Three Lions fan was just as jovial in Scotland itself. It seemed a little provocative even by my standards to wear my white England top on the plane up from London, so I tucked it in my bag. I boarded the aircraft and prepared to put myself at the mercy of the people of Edinburgh.
Safely in a toilet cubicle at Waverley Station, I threw it on under a black zip-up top. At the end of each interview with a Scotland fan, I’d reveal my true colours and see what reaction I got. My original vision was for this to play out with Edinburgh Castle in the background or maybe the Royal Mile. However, it didn’t take long to realise this was not a realistic prospect. The problem with Edinburgh is that it’s full of tourists, so even finding a Scottish person to chat to about the World Cup was a challenge. Those we did find tended to “prefer the rugby” or told us we “should have gone to Glasgow”.
Given that I was only there for a day, that was not really an option. However, a short taxi ride out of the city centre could take me to Leith, the area of the city made famous by Irvine Welsh’s book Trainspotting, which follows the wild lives of a group of heroin addicts living in the city. Of course, venturing outside of the touristy areas made things a bit riskier. As we walked through some of the neighbourhood’s brutalist concrete housing estates, I wondered if I might have to take my Scottish colleague’s offer to provide security if things went pear-shaped.
But it soon became clear that this was definitely the place to find some proper football fans excited for the World Cup. Standing outside a bar on the picturesque Leith harbourside, I found a couple who were due to get married the day after Brazil play Scotland. “Will the result of the game affect the mood at the wedding?” I asked the Tartan Army-mad husband. “Erm, she’s stood right there so I’ll say ‘no’,” he told me with a grin. He suspected that England might do pretty well, but played down Scotland’s chances.
“Oh, one last thing,” I told him, “can you ask me who I think is going to win?” As he asked me the question, I revealed the England jersey, and quick as a flash, he replied: “That’s a funny looking Spain shirt.” It was clear it didn’t matter if it was the travelling fans or the home support, the Scots still had banter in spades.
On the edge of an industrial area, we met a couple of young lads who were looking forward to getting “steaming” drunk ahead of the opening match with Haiti, which kicks off at 2am UK time. One of the men explained to me that he used to watch England “for a laugh,” but had to stop when the team started to actually challenge for major honours rather than bowing out at an early stage. They burst out laughing when I showed them the Three Lions jersey, but added that I should maybe reel in my confidence a bit as a lot of my team’s best players had “degraded recently”.
Outside another pub, I found an older Scottish fan who took a different view. Telling me “England were a good shout” to win the tournament, an opinion I definitely preferred hearing. He and his pal let out pantomime “oooos” when I revealed the England top. Laughing, the pub-goer told me to “get the f*** outa here” in an affectionate manner, that only Scottish people have the ability to produce. He then pulled me in for a bear hug, underlining the point.
I think this sums up the reason Scotland is so special. I think it’s the only place in the world someone can tell you to ‘f*** off’ and all you feel is love.
