In a bold move to challenge entrenched social norms, former England rugby international and television personality Joe Marler has launched a heartfelt appeal to British men, urging them to vocalise their affection for their closest friends. This initiative comes alongside striking new survey data revealing a significant emotional disconnect within male friendships across the nation.
The Stark Reality of Male Communication
A comprehensive poll of 2,000 British men, commissioned by Beavertown, has uncovered a profound paradox. While an overwhelming 85% of respondents identified their friends as some of the most important people in their lives, nearly two-thirds confessed they have never explicitly told those same friends that they love them. This silence persists despite a majority acknowledging that their mental wellbeing would likely improve if they could open up more freely.
A Culture of Concealed Affection
The research paints a picture of a culture where emotional expression is often stifled. Over half of the men surveyed stated that discussing feelings or mental health simply "isn't the done thing" within their circles of male friendship. Furthermore, one in three admitted they would feel uncomfortable or fear making their friend awkward by being emotionally honest. A significant number also worried about being laughed at for such vulnerability.
This stands in stark contrast to their behaviour with romantic partners, whom they tell "I love you" an average of 17 times per week. The study indicates that for many men, affection is communicated through indirect channels: 90% avoid serious conversations, many hide feelings behind banter, a common gesture is buying a round of drinks, and a third resort to what is described as an 'awkward man hug'.
Marler Leads by Example with Grand Gesture
In partnership with the suicide prevention charity Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM), Beavertown has launched the "Tell a Mate Why You Love Them" campaign for Valentine's Day. Fronted by real-life friends Joe Marler and radio presenter Chris Stark, the campaign began with a dramatic public declaration.
Marler surprised Stark by unfurling a colossal 8-by-10-metre banner from a bridge in Hackney Wick, London, which proclaimed: "I LOVE YOU CHRIS STARK – YOUR MATE, JOE MARLER." The stunt was explicitly designed to confront and reduce the stigma surrounding male emotional expression.
Marler's Personal Plea
Reflecting on the campaign, Joe Marler shared a powerful personal insight. "Men care about their mates, but we don’t always say it out loud," he stated. "Saying 'I love you' doesn’t have to be as extreme as I’ve done it, but my mates have helped me through tough times, and if you love someone, you should say it." He added, "I love Chris, but I’ve never told him. Hopefully printing it on a massive sign gets the message across."
His words underscore a critical finding: while three-quarters of men wish they could have deeper conversations, overall, half admit they currently do not talk about emotions or mental health with their friends.
Banter as a Barrier to Depth
The survey also explored the content of typical male conversations, revealing that surface-level topics dominate. Sport is the primary go-to subject for over half of men, followed by work, television, films, and the news (45%). The art of 'banter' remains highly valued, with men from Sunderland, Swansea, Oxford, and Manchester particularly prideful of their witty comebacks.
However, researchers caution that this prevalent culture of light-hearted banter may be masking deeper, unaddressed emotional needs and preventing the meaningful connections that many men secretly desire but feel unable to initiate.
The collaboration between Beavertown and CALM aims to break this cycle, encouraging men to move beyond banter and pints to foster genuine, supportive, and verbally affectionate friendships that contribute positively to mental health.
