Like many other leaders faced with imminent eviction, Keir Starmer seemed to be dealing with the situation with blanket denial. The British prime minister carried on regardless as G7 leaders pondered the question of a leaving gift.
A Leader in Denial
Shortly before arriving in Évian, Emmanuel Macron set up a new WhatsApp group for world leaders. Keir Starmer was not included. Dubbed the G6, the group aimed to discuss how to handle the UK prime minister. Should they confront the fact that this would be his last G7? Should they buy him a leaving present, like a French World Cup football shirt signed by all?
Or was it best not to mention it at all? A quick photo opportunity with President Zelenskyy, a few jokes, promises to make the world a better place, and then everyone goes home without acknowledging that Starmer is about to be booted out of their select club.
Starmer's Defiance
“I am going to fight on,” Starmer insisted when British journalists hauled him back to reality. He was going to run the UK forever, at least until the next election. He had never heard of Andy Burnham. Everyone agreed he was the best man to lead the country.
None of the G6 could bring themselves to look Starmer in the eye after overhearing these exchanges. Macron had a quick word with Donald Trump, asking him to chat with Starmer to cheer him up.
A Bizarre Conversation
“I’m sorry I won’t be seeing you again,” said Trump over coffee. “Why? Where are you going?” asked a puzzled Starmer. An awkward silence followed. Trump changed the subject, boasting about securing the best peace ever in the war against Iran. Starmer nodded, calling it America’s finest hour since Nixon declared victory over Vietnam.
Starmer eagerly promised UK support, though admitted defence capability was overstretched. He could offer a few posts on the government’s X account warning Iran not to attack oil tankers. He also planned to ban social media access for over-80s.
A Parting Gift
Trump and Starmer parted with a handshake and a promise from Starmer to take part in a cage fight with Pete Hegseth. Starmer then proposed exterminating all Dartmoor ponies. “J’adore un cheval burger,” said Macron. Starmer’s thank you present was sorted.
