Millions in the UK may unknowingly be 'grey drinkers', reaching for a daily alcoholic drink to bolster confidence or relieve stress, according to insights from a leading alcohol mindset coach. Anna Donaghey, a former heavy-drinking advertising executive turned coach, argues that cutting back is achievable for anyone, with profound benefits for health and wellbeing.
The Psychology of Resistance: Why Change Feels So Hard
In an extract from her new book, What Are You Thirsty For?, Donaghey explains that the hesitation to change a deep-seated habit like drinking is not a sign of weakness. It is a natural human response to the unfamiliar, driven by a brain wired to seek safety in routine. "When you try to change a deeply ingrained habit, your brain doesn't assess whether the change is good or bad. It just knows it's different," she writes. This resistance acts like an overprotective bodyguard for your comfort zone.
She compares this to staying in a bad relationship or a hated job, even when we know better. The brain often prefers the familiar, even if it is unhappy, over the uncertainty of change. This is a key reason many people don't address drinking behaviours that have been part of their lives for decades.
A Practical Blueprint for Drinking Less
Donaghey outlines a clear, staged approach to behaviour change, moving from recognition to lasting maintenance. The process begins with understanding what need alcohol is fulfilling. Is it relaxation, social comfort, stress relief, or a sense of reward? Once identified, the next step is to find a healthier replacement habit that meets the same core need.
For instance, to replace an evening drink for relaxation, she suggests creating a new wind-down ritual. This could be taking three deep breaths, drinking herbal tea from a wine glass, or having a hot bath paired with a podcast. For stress relief, a two-minute reset—stepping outside, stretching, or journaling—can be inserted before considering alcohol.
Defeating the 'Witching Hour' with Tiny Changes
One of the most effective strategies is targeting your personal 'witching hour'—the time of day when the urge to drink is strongest. Donaghey advises mapping the trigger, routine, and emotional state associated with this time. The key is not to make grand, unsustainable pledges but to introduce small, manageable disruptions to the autopilot cycle.
These micro-changes can include having a glass of water first, using a smaller wine glass, alternating alcoholic drinks with non-alcoholic ones, or simply waiting an extra hour before pouring a drink. "Success isn't about the size of the action. It's about consistency," she notes. Introducing 'friction' into the habit loop—like moving alcohol out of easy reach or not buying in bulk—can also create crucial pause for reconsideration.
The Life-Changing Rewards of Cutting Back
Donaghey speaks from personal experience, stating that when she gave up drinking, her life improved "in every single way." She reports better sleep, vanished mental fog, reignited ambition, and dramatic drops in anxiety. She emphasises that she did not lose fun, connection, or friends but gained more energy, presence with her children, and the capacity to pursue long-neglected passions like piano lessons and badminton.
She is echoed by broadcaster Adrian Chiles, who found that drinking less allowed him to enjoy alcohol more mindfully, leading to sharper experiences and better mornings. Donaghey's core message is that reducing alcohol intake is not about loss, but about gain. "By going alcohol-free – or cutting down – you're not just removing something. You're creating space to build a life you don't want to escape from."
What Are You Thirsty For? by Anna Donaghey is published by New River Books, priced £10.99.
