A budding psychologist has taken to social media to outline three common, yet often unnoticed, behaviours that can significantly undermine a person's attractiveness. Lexie, a psychologist-in-training, shared her insights in a viral TikTok video, explaining how subtle actions can make someone appear less desirable without them even realising.
The Three Key Behaviours Sabotaging Your Appeal
According to Lexie, the first subconscious turn-off is being overly agreeable. She references a social psychology concept known as the 'likability competence trade-off'. This occurs when individuals never disagree or state their own preferences. While such people might be liked in the short term, they are often perceived as less competent, likable, and attractive over a longer period. 'Assertiveness, but not arrogance, often signals self-respect and autonomy, which is very attractive,' she clarified.
The second major pitfall involves eye contact. Striking the right balance is crucial. 'Studies show that non-verbal intimacy shows that balanced eye contact increases perceived warmth and competence,' Lexie explained. She warned that too little eye contact is frequently interpreted as insecurity or disinterest, while an unbroken stare can feel intense or even threatening, creating an immediate barrier to connection.
The Danger of Constant Self-Deprecation
The third habit is the overuse of self-deprecating humour. While occasional self-humour can make a person seem more relatable and trustworthy, Lexie notes that research indicates repeated self-deprecation lowers perceived status and attractiveness over time. 'People subconsciously associate this type of humour with low self-esteem or low self-image, and start to believe the jokes that you say about yourself as true,' she stated.
What Really Drives Our Attraction to Others?
In a helpful extension of her analysis, Lexie also explored the psychological factors that fuel our attraction to other people. A primary driver, she says, is emotional familiarity. 'Research on attachment theory shows that people tend to feel stronger attraction towards partners who activate patterns that they learned earlier in life,' she described.
This means individuals might find themselves drawn to partners who subconsciously remind them of a parent or an ex. For instance, someone with a narcissistic father might seek out narcissistic boyfriends, or a person with an emotionally absent mother might look for similar patterns in partners. 'Your nervous system might mistake familiarity for chemistry,' Lexie explained.
Furthermore, feeling deeply understood by someone is a powerful attractant. 'Studies on self-disclosure show that feeling understood by somebody who remembers small details about you, validates your emotions, and mirrors your experiences creates stronger attraction than status, looks and charm,' she said.
Interestingly, Lexie also highlighted the intoxicating effect of uncertainty, rooted in a principle called intermittent reinforcement. 'Inconsistent affection and attention - so hot and cold behaviour - increases obsession and rumination,' she noted. The brain releases more dopamine when rewards are unpredictable, which is why waiting for a text can feel exciting, even if it's stressful. 'You might just like the way the uncertainty feels,' she concluded, rather than genuinely liking the person.
