Renowned health and sex expert Dr Miriam Stoppard is on a mission to shatter the taboo surrounding intimacy in later life. With over 80 published books and more than 25 million copies sold worldwide, Dr Stoppard asserts that great sex is not only possible for older adults but can be better than ever. Her new book, Sex, Drugs and Walking Sticks: A guide to living your best life in your 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond, serves as a manifesto against ageism in the bedroom.
Why Intimacy Matters at Any Age
Dr Stoppard passionately argues that viewing oneself as a sexual being should not diminish with age. She explains that sexual activity provides profound emotional and physical benefits, acting like an essential vitamin that floods the body with feel-good hormones. These positive emotions contribute to feelings of being wanted, confident, and joyous.
"I’m here to tell you that you’re missing out on great sex. Intimacy in older age can be just as good, if not better, than it was when you were younger," says Dr Stoppard. She emphasises that while the body changes each decade, the capacity for enjoyment does not have to wane. The key is to adapt and embrace this new chapter.
A Practical Guide to Reigniting Your Spark
Forget living in the past. Dr Stoppard's first piece of advice is to stop reminiscing about how sex used to be and to accept and enjoy what it is now. She points out that modern older adults are often more assertive, with more free time and disposable income than previous generations, supported by medications that manage age-related conditions.
To combat a naturally dropping libido, she recommends consciously exploring your sexuality. This can involve allowing yourself sexual thoughts, experimenting, and even watching pornography alone or with a partner to help access dormant desires. For women, she stresses that the clitoris remains as responsive as ever, and orgasms are very much achievable thanks to well-established neural pathways.
Overcoming Common Physical Hurdles
Physical changes are a fact of life, but Dr Stoppard provides clear, practical solutions. For vaginal dryness, a simple pH-controlled, water-based lubricant from the pharmacy can make a world of difference. For men concerned about erectile function, she notes that a perfectly rigid erection is not strictly necessary for pleasurable sex and orgasm.
Medications like Viagra can be an option, with a simple rule of thumb: if you can climb 20 stairs without getting out of breath, you are likely a suitable candidate. Crucially, she advises bringing foreplay back to the forefront. Activities like cuddling, caressing, and oral sex help with arousal and lubrication, making the experience more enjoyable for both partners.
Tailored Advice for Your Situation
Dr Stoppard's guidance adapts to whether you are single or in a relationship. For those without a partner, she strongly advocates for solo pleasure and exploring sex toys. "A penis is unnecessary for an orgasm," she states, encouraging the use of vibrators for potentially earth-shattering results.
For couples, she recommends open communication and adventure. Discussing fantasies and introducing sex toys together can open minds to new pleasures and strengthen intimacy. Dressing up in something sexy is also highlighted as a fun and effective way to signal intent and boost confidence.
The overarching message from Dr Miriam Stoppard is one of liberation and joy. By talking openly with partners, embracing change, and giving yourself permission to explore, the best sex of your life could still be ahead. Her exclusive plan, detailed in her new book, is a powerful antidote to the stigma that too often surrounds sex and ageing.
