Choking during sex has become so normalised that it is now referenced in popular culture, with songs like Jack Harlow's "Lovin on Me" and memes promoting "breath play." Professor Clare McGlynn, a legal academic and expert on violence against women and girls, warns that this trend has dangerous hidden implications for women. Her new book, Exposed: The Rise of Extreme Porn and How We Fight Back, explores the disturbing shift.
Normalisation of Choking in Popular Culture
In 2023, rapper Jack Harlow's song "Lovin on Me" reached number 1 in the UK Official Charts, with lyrics including: "I'm vanilla, baby, I'll choke you, but I ain't no killer, baby." Across social media, "choke me daddy" memes promote breath play during sex. McGlynn told The Mirror's book critic Dr. Aimee Walsh: "Millions are watching those sites, yet hardly anyone is talking about it."
Government Response: New School Curriculum
The government has added the dangers of choking to the school agenda. Teenagers aged 14-15 will be taught that strangling or suffocating someone during sex could be an imprisonable offence, as part of an updated Relationships, Sex and Health (RSHE) curriculum coming into force in September.
Definition of Extreme Porn
Professor McGlynn explains that there is a legal definition of extreme pornography covering rape, life-threatening injury, and soon strangulation and incest. However, she uses the term more broadly to describe porn that reproduces illegal or unlawful acts. In 2015, she successfully campaigned for the criminalisation of rape porn, but it has been relabelled as "force" or "sleep" porn. "On the mainstream sites it's blurring the boundaries as if the sleep content or stealth or force is normal and it's acceptable," she said.
From Kink to Mainstream
Non-fatal strangulation, or choking, has moved from kink to mainstream. A 2022 Guardian report noted that "many young people don't think [choking] even requires consent." Durham University's Dr. Hannah Bows defines it as "the grabbing, holding or compression of another's neck either by hands, or limb, or by use of a prop or weapon." In April 2026, amendments to the Crime and Policing Act 2026 criminalised possession or publication of porn depicting non-fatal strangulation. However, choking remains prevalent on porn sites. McGlynn says: "It is a misogynistic aggressive act even when consensual. Although women have been collectively convinced that it's a normal part of sex."
Health Risks: Brain Damage Comparable to Concussion
New medical research shows that choking can cause brain damage. "The evidence that's coming out from the MRI scans and the blood tests about how it is giving young women brain damage because it's impacting on the pathways in your brain, on your memory function, on your information processing. It's like concussion in sports," McGlynn said. She added: "You don't know whether that's happening to you or not. The slow impact on your brain is imperceptible."
How to Fight Back
McGlynn argues that under the Online Safety Act, platforms should not present extreme material, but it is not enforced. Ofcom introduced age verification for porn sites last year, but McGlynn says this does not address the issue: "We would not need all of these age assurance laws were it not for the nature of the content." She advises: "Don't use these main websites. Pay for your porn. Search out material that is not made, or is not being produced and shown by some of these platforms."
