If your sex life feels more like an occasional indulgence than a vital component of your well-being, you might be missing out on profound health benefits. According to a top expert, we often treat intimacy as a reward akin to ice-cream, rather than a fundamental need comparable to protein intake.
The Case for Prioritising Pleasure
Our culture frequently sidelines pleasure and positive emotions, viewing them as luxuries reserved for after completing 'important' tasks like work and ambition. However, research indicates that pleasure is crucial for health and longevity. It builds ego resilience, fosters creativity in problem-solving, and enhances our ability to manage life's stressors effectively.
Sex, in particular, should not be relegated to a mere treat or an activity we only engage in when energy permits. Instead, it deserves prioritisation alongside monitoring mood, sleep, steps, and protein intake. As America's foremost sex professor, teaching the largest sexual health class in the United States, Dr Nicole McNichols emphasises that satisfying sex lowers risks of heart disease and dementia, boosts immune function, improves cognitive performance, and generates positive emotions that lead to resilience and greater life satisfaction.
Moreover, it strengthens relationships, fosters deeper connections, and helps partners tolerate each other's imperfections. If these benefits were available in pill form, they would outsell popular medications like Ozempic. Dr McNichols reassures that better sex is achievable for everyone, starting with integrating simple strategies into daily life.
Seven Practical Tips for Enhanced Intimacy
1) Schedule a Weekly 'Intimacy Date'
With a busy life that includes a decades-long marriage, three children, and numerous responsibilities, Dr McNichols understands the challenge of adding anything to your schedule. Yet, studies show that satisfying sex just once a week offers significant health and relational benefits, with advantages plateauing beyond that frequency. This means finding one weekly window to connect with your partner is sufficient.
Rather than treating it as a rigid appointment, build anticipation throughout the day by sending a sext, charging toys, or wearing something that makes you feel desirable. For women, transitioning from productivity to intimacy mode can be difficult, so create a transitional space with activities like sharing a bath or giving shoulder rubs to synchronise nervous systems and foster emotional connection first.
2) Increase Kissing During Sex
Despite trends toward rougher sex acts, kissing remains a vital, intimate, and vulnerable practice that significantly boosts the likelihood of female orgasm. Do not dismiss it as 'vanilla'; instead, incorporate more kissing to enhance intimacy and pleasure.
3) Embrace 'Micro-Novelty' Over Grand Gestures
Keeping sex exciting does not require dramatic changes. Introducing one new element per month, such as a different position, technique, location, or accessory like a blindfold or flavoured lube, can supercharge your sex life. Focus on small, authentic changes that feel fun rather than performative.
4) Prioritise Orgasm Without Making It the Sole Goal
While closing the orgasm gap is important, with men orgasming 95% of the time compared to women's 65% in straight contexts, fixating on orgasm can detract from other key aspects of great sex: chemistry and caring. Shift focus to a variety of touches, sensations, and activities that promote memorable pleasure, ensuring partners feel valued and connected.
5) Communicate Openly and Consistently
Lack of communication leads many to fake orgasms, with 59% of women and 25% of men admitting to this at some point. Combat this by learning to give and solicit feedback through verbal, visual, and behavioural cues. Start conversations with questions about favourite sexual experiences, initiation preferences, and fantasies to build confidence and understanding.
6) Invest in Setting the Mood
Enhance intimacy by creating a conducive environment with candles, low lights, and music. For romantics, expressing love during sex has been linked to higher orgasm rates. Slowing down and focusing on the moment can deepen connection and pleasure.
7) Focus on Personal Growth
Investing in individual interests, such as taking a class or starting a hobby, can reignite novelty and attraction in relationships. By bringing joy and excitement back to share with your partner, you foster a sense of freshness that enhances sexual dynamics.
Conclusion: Making Sex a Priority
Understanding that sex is fundamentally beneficial encourages us to elevate it on our priority lists. By implementing these tips, individuals can create a virtuous cycle where better sex leads to more frequent prioritisation, ultimately integrating a consistent source of pleasure that improves all aspects of life. Dr McNichols's insights, drawn from her extensive teaching and personal experience, offer a roadmap to a healthier, happier, and more satisfying intimate life.
