Alzheimer's disease is a condition of profound cruelty and heartbreaking unpredictability. Its hallmark memory loss can provoke fury, inappropriate humour, deep tragedy, and relentless sorrow. For television presenter Ruth Langsford, this reality is deeply personal, shaped by watching both her parents gradually succumb to the illness over a span of twenty years.
A Family's Double Tragedy with Dementia
Ruth's father, Dennis, lived with Alzheimer's for over a decade before passing away from complications in 2012 at the age of 84. Now, her 94-year-old mother, Joan, diagnosed eight years ago, resides in a dementia care home in Surrey, enduring the disease's relentless progression. Despite the challenges, Ruth notes her mother's enduring spirit. "She's always in good spirits though, always smiling," Ruth says. "She loves music and socialising – although she can't remember anyone's name."
The presenter, 65, best known for anchoring ITV's Loose Women and co-hosting This Morning for 23 years, has learned to navigate the repetitive questions and disorientation with a softer approach. "I used to rail against Dad's memory loss and confusion," she admits. "Now I'm much softer and more accepting of Mum's because I've learned so much from coping with Dad's." She recalls the futility of correcting her father, understanding now that demanding he remember something only caused distress.
Championing the 'Defeating Dementia' Crusade
This intimate, two-fold family experience led Ruth to become an ambassador for the Alzheimer's Society 17 years ago. Today, she is lending her full support to a new joint crusade by the charity and the Daily Mail, titled Defeating Dementia. The initiative aims to spark public conversation, promote understanding, help people recognise early symptoms, and ensure those affected know about available support.
"One in three people will develop dementia, which is the UK's biggest killer," Ruth states emphatically. "It doesn't get the funding it needs. Raising money for research into a cure is key." She also stresses the critical importance of early diagnosis, hoping that if her story prompts just one person to seek medical advice for a loved one, she will have succeeded.
The Long Road of Care and Acceptance
Ruth's journey began with subtle changes in her father, a formerly meticulous Army warrant officer. His organised mind started to unravel; he misplaced his camera and later, his slippers were found in the fridge. What seemed like amusing anecdotes soon revealed a more serious pattern of uncharacteristic behaviour. After a GP referral and tests, the family received the Alzheimer's diagnosis, a moment that left them feeling in the dark and unsupported.
Her mother Joan cared for Dennis at home for ten years until his needs – such as getting up and dressed in the middle of the night – became overwhelming. "It was like looking after a toddler," Ruth recalls. She eventually persuaded her mother that Dennis required full-time nursing care, a difficult and emotional decision.
Ruth's advocacy first broke through publicly during an episode of This Morning, where she became tearful discussing dementia with a viewer. This vulnerability led the Alzheimer's Society to reach out, offering support that included connecting Joan with a local Dementia Café and day centre, providing vital respite.
Now, with her mother, Ruth practices a philosophy of gentle acceptance. She plays along when Joan, who lives just a stone's throw away, claims she hasn't seen her daughter for months. She finds solace in the fact that, while visits are quickly forgotten, her mother still recognises her. "You have to laugh, otherwise you'd cry," Ruth reflects. "Acceptance is the hardest part, but I've learned that now."
This acceptance extends to navigating profound grief. Ruth's sister, Julia, died in 2019, but Joan's dementia has erased that memory. When Joan mentions Julia as if she were still alive, Ruth chooses not to correct her, sparing her mother the trauma of fresh loss. "I just said: 'Oh, Julia is gardening today because it's a lovely day,'" she explains of one such moment.
While Ruth acknowledges a personal fear of developing Alzheimer's, she focuses on the present, cherishing moments of connection however fleeting. Whether her mother is well enough to spend Christmas with her and her son Jack, or they visit her with flowers and the family dog, the joy exists in the instant. "You have to accept that she enjoys the moment," Ruth says, "that I'm visiting as much for me as for Mum." And in that moment, despite everything, her mother will have a ball.
