A reader has written to agony aunt Coleen Nolan after a visit to her parents left her in tears, worried that the family has taken them for granted as they age.
The reader, whose father is 83 and mother is 85, noticed her mum was forgetful and her dad was unsteady because of a stiff, painful hip. She said the visit made her suddenly realise how old they are, even though she has always known them as fit, active and with it.
She described them as the kind of parents who always welcome their children home, organise holidays and have been supportive and generous with money over the years. After seeing them, she went home and cried all night, worrying that there is not much time left with them.
Showing love without causing worry
Although the family is close, they are not the kind who says “I love you” all the time, and the reader wants them to know it. She does not want them to know she is worried and upset about them being elderly, as they have a lot of pride, but she does want to show them how much they mean to her.
Coleen said it is a horrible realisation when parents reach a certain age and their health starts to deteriorate, and that many people reading can relate. She advised that if the family has never been one to say “I love you”, it is never too late to start.
Thoughtful ways to show you care
Coleen suggested other thoughtful ways to let them know you care, such as sending a card for no reason with some nice words, letting them know what amazing parents they have been. She noted that sometimes it is easier to write these things, and suggested sending a little gift out of the blue or inviting them out more.
She reassured the reader that her parents absolutely know how much they mean to her and how much she loves them, pointing out that the fact she still goes home and they welcome her speaks for itself.
Making time a priority
Coleen advised treating the moment as a wake-up call, so that on days when there seems to be no time to chat on the phone or pop round for a visit, the reader should make the time and start making her parents more of a priority.
Having lost a lot of family members, Coleen said she is very aware that time with loved ones is precious and that she makes the most of it. She added that it is a really nice feeling to be able to give back to your parents for all the love and care they have given you, so it is worth enjoying and making some great memories.
