Pink Floyd made the art of construction sound like a walk in the park. But when Daily Star reporter Ed Easton tried a bricklaying challenge, he soon realised Roger Waters and company didn’t have a clue.
Learning the Ropes from a Cement Sensei
Ed learned the ropes from Super Trowel “cement sensei” Jack Dawson ahead of FixFest – the UK’s only festival for tradespeople – in Northampton next month.
It’s just another brick in the wall, as Pink Floyd once said. But 90 seconds into my bricklaying challenge, with sweat pooling under my hardhat and cement splattered on my work shoes, it’s starting to feel a lot heavier.
Because in the world of competitive wall-building, “just another brick” can be the difference between total delight and utter despair.
“How did I get here?” I wonder, ignoring the pain in my upper back. It started with a message on the Daily Star group chat: “FixFest are coming into the office. Anyone want to try their hand at a bricklaying challenge?”
For those who didn’t know, FixFest is the UK’s only summer festival created specifically for tradies and their families. And judging by my brief look at the life of a bricklayer, they certainly deserve a bit of down time. I can hardly build a habit, let alone a wall, but I still put myself forward for the job. “How hard can bricklaying really be?” I thought. “It's basically adult LEGO, or reverse Jenga, and the challenge only lasts a paltry two minutes.”
But walking into Meeting Room 2 at Daily Star HQ, I realise I might have underestimated the seriousness of what I am getting myself into. Gone are the long glass tables, the spinny chairs, the tasteful potted plants. In their place I am greeted by a cement mixer, a pile of bricks and a trowel, as well as a burly builder to coach me through my bricklaying debut.
Jack Dawson: The Cement Sensei
Jack Dawson, my cement sensei for the day, knows a thing or two about building a wall. Having taught construction for the best part of two and half decades, this man has forgotten more about bricklaying than many veteran builders will ever know. He is also absolutely massive, and after a couple of minutes getting used to the art of wall-building, I soon realise why. Bricks are heavy. Cement is heavy. Trowels are heavy. Well, the trowel is fine actually, but the other two elements immediately start to do a number on my underdeveloped arms.
That's not to say this a sport for brutes, mind. To lay a brick well requires technique, precision, and most importantly total focus. “90% of brick-laying takes place in the eyes”, Jack tells me. He’s watching as I botch yet another mortar transfer – the crucial moment of laying cement onto the bit of wall where your brick will be placed. “You're panicking. You need to calm down,” he adds, using the kindly, yet resigned, tone of a jockey speaking to a lame horse. Jack is correct. I am not calm. I am absolutely bricking it, and not in the way I'm meant to be.
It doesn’t help that I’ve been pitted against a brick-laying opponent – younger, fitter reporter Josh Whorms. As I flounder over when I am meant to shake the mortar or not, I can see him effortlessly laying bricks opposite like some sort of construction Michelangelo. It hasn’t been explicitly said that the rest of our careers will be defined by this brick-off, but it hasn’t not been said.
I turn to Jack for some last-minute tips – and the master builder does not disappoint. “Turn 90 degrees to the wall and calm down,” he says. “People think you need to be quick, you don't. You need to be confident.” Worthy advice, I think, and not just for brick-laying. And with that, the whistle blows.
The Results: Seven Bricks vs. Eight
Before you hear about our scores, it’s worth knowing how the pros usually do. The current world record for bricklaying, held by Brit Charlie Collison, is an extraordinary 1,065 bricks in an hour. That comes in at 36 every couple of minutes. Meanwhile, I’ve managed seven – and I’ve lost. My opponent has eight.
“I was completely dialled in on how my technique, and the feeling was exhilarating”, Josh says. “Bricklaying is a skill, and the mastery of skill becomes a form of art.” The words “very” and “smug” come to mind, along with a couple of others that are probably best unprinted. I’m feeling the burn from my quick blast of bricks, while my creation looks more like a trip hazard than anything close to a wall.
It’s still been an absolute hoot and I’m well up for a rematch, preferably after some more practice and a few hours in the gym.
FixFest: A Festival for Tradespeople
For any readers that fancy a go, the Beat The Bricklayer challenge will be heading to this year’s FixFest, taking place at the stunning 900-year-old Delapré Abbey in Northampton on July 11. Hosted by the team from Super Trowel, the UK’s ultimate bricklaying competition, this is the “have a go” version for all the family, using safe cement that won’t stain your festival threads.
The festival also features a brilliant line-up of live music, with the likes of Hard-Fi, Ocean Colour Scene and Sigma set to perform, plus a range of other activities and workshops. Head to www.fixfest.co.uk for tickets priced £50 per adult or £120 for VIP entry. Under 14s go free.
