Daily Star agony aunt Jane O'Gorman tackles two reader dilemmas: a man frustrated by his girlfriend's obsessive cleanliness and another struggling with his partner's feline devotion.
Neat Freak Girlfriend
A reader writes that his girlfriend refuses sex because she finds it 'too messy' and accuses him of being a 'sex manic' and a 'predator' when he attempts intimacy. Their home is now so immaculate he fears breathing, and she won't have friends over or crumple the sheets. When he tried to make love on the sofa, she screamed at him for messing up the cushions.
She wasn't always like this. When they first met, she was carefree and spontaneous, making love outdoors, on rooftops, and in parks. But after losing her high-flying job in December, she became picky and uptight. He is now working twice as hard to compensate for her lost salary.
Initially, she focused on getting her mother into a supported living unit and handling family paperwork. Then she turned her energy into sprucing up their home, which now looks sensational but is strictly 'look but don't touch'. He is frustrated and suggests she look for a new job, but her confidence is shattered and she says, 'Who would have me?' Her old boss stopped returning calls.
Jane's Advice
Jane O'Gorman says the girlfriend is anxious and bored, having gone from high-flyer to extreme homemaker. With the house finished, she's kicking her heels and feels superfluous. Keeping the house clean is her only way of maintaining control, but she's wasting her talents.
Jane advises the reader to help her find a new position. She may need retraining, further education, or help from friends and contacts. If her old profession isn't an option, she could use her decorating skills to become a designer or professional cleaner. Jane urges the reader to encourage her, tell her he believes in her, and suggest she see a GP if she can't cope.
Moggy Horror
Another reader complains that his girlfriend loves her cats more than him. He is seriously allergic to fur, but she just got two new kittens to add to her existing two cats. When he asks her not to let the cats on the bed, she calls him cruel and does what she wants anyway.
Jane responds by asking if the girlfriend would be happier alone. She suggests the reader explain how insulting her attitude is. While she loves her cats, if she won't compromise, what does he mean to her? Jane suspects she may be goading him into a make-or-break confrontation.
