If you have a problem that needs solving and you don't know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star's very own agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues, drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn't slowing down. If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Orgy time
I recently came home from work to find a naked woman spread eagled on my bed. She was fresh out of my shower after a long day sunbathing in my garden. I screamed at my husband to get her out and he accused me of being a diva. It turns out she was a woman he used to work with who fancied a day away from her kids. My husband swears that he has never slept with her, but I don't know what to believe anymore. I have a tough job, and he is supposed to be my house husband, but he isn't pulling his weight. He gave up full-time job last March to support me, but our house has become party central. Every time I open the front door I discover someone else dossing on my sofa, drinking my booze or watching the telly. My earnings are paying all the bills, but my bloke doesn't respect that. I don't know if I can stay with this man a minute longer. He's talking about having a hot tub installed (using my money, of course), so that he can charge his free wheeling friends to come to pool parties. What then? Are there to be orgies in the orangery too? He hated his old job, and I thought that trusting him at home was a good idea. But he's letting me down on every level. He's drinking too much and acting the goat. Does he have sex with other women in my bed while I slog my guts out? My friends say that they don't know how I can stand to put up with him. They say he's making me look a fool. But the thought of splitting up and going through yet another divorce (I've been married once before) is too horrible to consider.
JANE SAYS:
It's vital that you get back to the drawing board and come up with a whole new set of rules. Your fun-loving husband must understand what needs to be done around the house during the day. Write a list if he doesn't understand how a home works. Then there are the dos and don'ts. Encourage him to have contact with the other people but make it clear that there can be absolutely no drinking during the day. There must also be boundaries within your own home i.e. no one gets into your bed other than you and him. You're not running a doss house or a student squat. There must be privacy and respect. In the long term, however, you need to discuss what your husband's plans are regarding a new job. Can he retrain? Go into further education? Thrash this out. He might not have enjoyed his last job, which is fair enough, but he needs to be gainfully employed for the sake of his mental health and self-esteem and your marriage. You've got to be honest with the man, because if this arrangement isn't working out, then your marriage is going to lurch into crisis. Warn him that you must be able to trust him. This is the time to be completely truthful and realistic before your relationship implodes. You might balk at the idea of a second divorce but you can't allow anyone to treat you like a push over.
Thing One
I'm sick of people kicking me in the teeth. My parents love to remind that I was an irritating child who couldn't play nicely. My ex-wife still simply refers to me as 'THING' and even my oldest mates ruthlessly take the pee out of me. It's probably no surprise that I struggle to establish relationships. My latest girlfriend has just left me and I'm devastated.
JANE SAYS:
Take some time to be by yourself. Try and work out where your last relationship went wrong and vow to move on. If you find that you're struggling to cope or are feeling stressed, then speak to your GP and ask for help. I suspect it's time for you to take control of your own future and either confront or cut out all of the people who fail to support you.
