Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman offers straight-talking advice to readers on four dilemmas: a partner wanting to try dogging to spice up their relationship, a friend who may be a fantasist, a boyfriend caught chatting with a sex worker, and feeling overshadowed by a successful sister.
Partner Wants Dogging to Save Relationship
A reader writes that her partner believes dogging will save their relationship. He says they need to 'get out there', push boundaries, and feel the wind in their hair. He thinks they've hit a sexual wall and become complacent and boring. He wants to use the camper van parked on his mum's drive to broaden their horizons. This is something he and his ex-partner did a lot pre-Covid. He boasts he had some of the best orgasms of his life performing for other people, and crowds came from far and wide to watch them. When the reader points out that his ex-partner left him for a much richer man she performed with on the local common, he insists that's not important. He asks her to remember the fun times when they first got together, including a party where they crept into a garden studio and shagged all night, only to find two other people had seen and heard everything. The reader admits their first summer was crazy, but she has stopped drinking and is now sober and sensible. She asks how to make him understand she wants to move on and feels ashamed of past behavior. She asks if she owes it to him to give dogging a try.
Jane says everyone is entitled to grow up and move in a new direction. She notes that while they enjoyed wild times during the honeymoon period, life has moved on and relationships settle down. She advises that spicing up a love life can involve saucy underwear, baby oil, and sex toys, but dogging is a step too far. The partner must hear that no means no. She reminds the reader that she is not his ex-partner, and that she is now sober and aware of responsibilities. Jane asks what else they can do to relight the fire without coercion, and suggests the camper van should stay on his mother's drive.
Friend May Be a Fantasist
Another reader complains that her oldest mate constantly posts on social media about fantastic parties, nightclubs, and laughs she has when the reader is out with her boyfriend. Her Facebook page is full of name-dropping, in-jokes, and boasts. But the reader has never met any of her trendy mates, and she always asks to borrow money. The reader used to think she was genuine and funny, but now suspects she is a fantasist. She asks how to trap and expose her.
Jane says the friend is clearly jealous of the reader's relationship and goes to any lengths for attention. She advises that trapping and exposing her would achieve nothing. Instead, the reader should tell her she doesn't play these games and ask if she is willing to grow up and stop being provocative.
Boyfriend Caught Chatting with Sex Worker
A reader caught her boyfriend chatting with a sex worker via webcam. She couldn't stop herself from listening in and heard him saying disgusting things, playing with himself, and suggesting acts for a price. He also boasted about fancying two of her mates and wanting a threesome. When she stormed in, he accused her of invading his privacy. He now says he is willing to forgive her if she promises never to breathe a word. The reader asks how that works when she is the injured party.
Jane suggests going back to the boyfriend to explain her puzzlement. She asks why he felt the need to engage with the sex worker and about the things he said regarding her friends. She says the ball is in his court regarding the relationship's seriousness. However, she agrees that he has a point about expecting privacy in his own room in his own flat share.
Living in Successful Sister's Shadow
A final reader says she has always lived in her successful sister's shadow. Her sister excelled at school and runs her own business, while anything the reader attempts pales in comparison. Recently, she overheard her parents describe her sister as 'our golden girl'. She feels like the major disappointment, though her sister is also generous and kind.
Jane advises the reader to accept that she is an individual with her own strengths and talents. She suggests telling her parents how much their praise of her sister hurts her, and giving them a chance to speak. Jane bets they love both equally and are proud of every achievement. She warns against blowing it out of proportion and encourages the reader to be herself and live her own life.
