A woman who recently ended a 10-year relationship is seeking advice after fearing she came on too strong with a new man. Writing to Coleen Nolan's advice column, she describes meeting a 'lovely guy' with whom she shares strong chemistry, both having exited 'rubbish long-term relationships'. Their pub date involved bonding over stories about exes and ended with a 'lovely' kiss.
Worries About Appearing Too Keen
The reader's concern arose after she suggested meeting up again the following weekend. When he said he was working, she proposed the weekend after that or the one after, to which he replied he would 'look at dates and get back in touch'. She admits to cringing, fearing she scared him off by being too keen. 'I’d been with my ex 10 years and we got together when we were only 18. I’m not sure of the “rules” any more,' she writes.
Coleen's Advice: Patience and Letting Him Lead
Coleen Nolan reassures her that dating after a long hiatus can feel awkward but advises against overthinking. 'He might just be busy,' she says. Her key advice: stop pushing and let him check his diary. 'If he had a good time, too, and wants to see you again, he’ll find a space in his schedule and get in touch. Let him make the next move.'
Coleen also notes that he may not be ready for a serious commitment so soon after his own breakup, but that doesn't preclude keeping things light and fun. 'Once you’ve had a few dates and know each other a bit better, then you can talk about what you’re looking for in a relationship.'
Healing and Self-Discovery After a Breakup
Drawing from personal experience after her second divorce, Coleen emphasizes the importance of taking time to heal. 'It can be good to be single for a while to get to know yourself again and work out what you want,' she writes. She felt stronger and more confident when she started dating again because she knew she was OK on her own.
Her final reassurance: 'If it’s meant to be with this guy, there’s no rush. Sit back, enjoy his company and don’t put so much pressure on yourself.'
