Sarah and Tom Hopes, who lost their baby son Ethan to a fatal developmental condition, have adopted three children and raised more than £4,000 for the charity that supported them.
A devastating diagnosis
Sarah, 42, a vet, and Tom, 44, an IT manager, wanted their children close in age. When they became pregnant again while their daughter Annie was one, they were overjoyed. But at 12 weeks, they were told the baby had anencephaly, a serious fetal developmental abnormality affecting the growth of the brain, skull, and scalp.
Medical staff said the condition was 'incompatible with life' and recommended terminating the pregnancy. Sarah said they had to have a 'real conversation' about what to do, but added: “We knew that our baby already had life and purpose inside the womb; he was ours and so wanted.”
“There was a possibility he could live through a full-term pregnancy, and that we would meet him alive once born; we hoped and prayed this would be,” she said.
Ethan’s birth and death
At 16 weeks, they learned they were having a boy, whom they named Ethan. Sarah said she wanted to 'make the most' of her pregnancy. “I remember when I was quite heavily pregnant, going to the orchestra, and when the music started playing, he was kicking a lot more,” she said.
Ethan was born at full term on February 2, 2016, and came home to meet his big sister Annie and other family members before he died peacefully in Sarah’s arms after seven hours. Following his death, Sarah and Tom, from Staffordshire, suffered two early miscarriages and decided to grow their family through adoption.
The adoption journey
“We did always talk about adopting before we started our family,” Sarah said. Through a friend, they were directed to Adoption Matters, a Greater Manchester-based charity. In 2018, the charity helped them take their 'first tentative steps' towards adopting, with a social worker offering 'education, guidance, support, and an encouraging hand to hold throughout the whole process.'
Sarah described the process as 'very invasive,' exploring their childhoods, parenting styles, and relationships. “Thankfully, me and my husband are very open people. We wear our hearts on our sleeves, so that was no problem for us,” she said. They were approved in about six months, and eight months later welcomed their first adopted child. They have since adopted a little girl and two young boys still at primary school. Annie, five at the time of the first adoption, is now 12.
Fundraising in Ethan’s memory
Sarah said life is 'very busy' and 'challenging,' and the adopted children had all experienced some form of trauma, an 'added dynamic.' Still, she said their life together was 'wonderful' 'and so enjoyable.' “I would 100 percent recommend it,” she said, adding that the support from Adoption Matters was 'second to none.'
Earlier this month, Sarah trekked up Mount Snowdon with Tom, their four children, her mum Lynn Walker, 70, and work colleagues, raising over £4,000 for the charity in Ethan’s memory. “To us, our love and loss of precious Ethan was a signpost to start our journey of adoption,” she said. “We have wonderful, joyful memories of our beautiful Ethan, and his life has blessed many hearts.”
Adoption Matters Chief Executive Susy White said: “Sarah is truly inspiring, and we are deeply touched that she has chosen to support our charity in honour of Ethan.” She added that through Sarah’s efforts, Ethan’s legacy will continue to make a difference. The family’s fundraising page, 'Ethan’s Hope,' remains open for donations.
