Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle readers' issues with straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues and drug use, she has helped thousands of readers over the years and isn't slowing down.
Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters, and not all problems will be published.
Anticlimax
A reader writes: "The one time I tried to have sex with my ex-boyfriend it was a disaster. He climaxed within a second of entering me and then screamed that everything was my fault. He said I was ugly and unsexy and put him off. That terrible experience has left me with a hundred hang-ups. There’s a guy on my estate that I like, but I’ve been too terrified to try sex since."
Jane says: "You can’t let that first; bad experience destroy your sexual confidence forever. Your ex-boyfriend was clearly embarrassed. Take your time with this new guy. Make friends with him. Go slowly and, when you feel ready for sex, try again in calm, comfortable surroundings. Presumably your ex has gone on to love again so why shouldn’t you? Go and see your GP if you feel you need professional help."
Crafty Customer
Another reader complains: "I’m sick of being undermined by a creep of a co-worker. He gets a kick out of interrupting and correcting me. Recently, I managed to get a meeting with a prospective client. I booked a private room in a flashy restaurant. Only HE turned up too. I kept hissing at him to return to the office “for an important meeting” but he wouldn’t take the hint. Instead, he talked over me and took all the credit for resulting contract himself. How do I get him to respect me without this becoming an issue between us?"
Jane advises: "This isn’t a game. You now need to show your teeth and make it very clear to this muppet that he must never pull a stunt like that again. Clearly, he’s wary and jealous of you. He can see that you’re good; that you have ideas and drive. Therefore, he feels undermined and threatened. Well, that’s very unfortunate, but that’s his problem. Keep on doing what you’re doing; hold your nerve and get results. The people around you aren’t stupid; they’ll soon begin to see how pathetic he’s being. I think you should speak to your boss or someone in your HR department about this situation. Make a formal complaint. Also keep a diary and write down your experiences and thoughts. He must understand that you will not be bought down."
Phone Alone
A third reader says: "My best friend doesn’t make any time for me. All she does is text and send me ‘funny’ links and jokes. We used to catch up every week for a coffee, but now she’s too busy. The last time I saw her was in June. We met for a sandwich lunch and she spent the whole time looking at her phone. I started telling her about the problems I’m experiencing at work, and she took a twenty minute call from her sister. We used to have such a great relationship – and a real laugh. Now, I feel like a nuisance."
Jane responds: "Accept that you’re not as important to your friend as you used to be. She’s moved on. Fiddling with her phone while you were trying to tell her something important was plain rude. If you’re inclined to give her one, last chance, then ask for a phone-free face-to-face. Does she feel that you’ve run your course and that the friendship is over? Or is she willing to grow up and treat you with respect like a real friend? However, if you’re not inclined to indulge her again, then brush yourself off and accept that she’s headed in a new direction. You need to find yourself some different pals and not look back."
