A woman in her 30s has written to agony aunt Coleen Nolan after her father left her wedding venue before the ceremony, having never accepted her sexuality. The bride, who recently married her girlfriend of five years, said the day would have been perfect but for her dad's decision to leave before the ceremony.
Father's behaviour at wedding
She explained that her father has never been comfortable with her sexuality and always hoped it was a phase she would grow out of. On the day, he turned up at the hotel, had half a lager in the bar, and then left in an Uber with her stepmother. The stepmother sent a message apologising and saying how embarrassed she was by his behaviour, wishing the couple well.
The bride tried not to let his actions spoil the day and said they did have a good time, but afterwards she felt hurt and let down and cried. She has not spoken to him since, saying she does not know where to start and has no idea how to repair the relationship, if that is even possible.
Coleen's advice
Coleen began by congratulating the bride and said she was glad she did not let her father's behaviour ruin the day. She advised her to let him know how hurt she is, whether by phone call or letter, and to remind him that it is her life to live, that she loves her wife, has never been happier, and nothing he says or does will change that.
Coleen said it is hard to know why her father cannot be happy for her, but it is his issue to deal with and clearly not a view held by his wife or any other guest at the wedding. If he is not prepared to talk about it, she said, all the bride can do is be true to herself and live her life.
On repairing the relationship, Coleen said it would be down to him to make the move, and suggested the stepmother could help. She recommended the organisation FFLAG (fflag.org.uk), which supports and guides families with LGBT+ loved ones, and suggested the bride could put her stepmother on to them.
Focus on those who support you
Coleen concluded that the bride deserves to be happy and should not let her father affect that. She said it sounds like she has wonderful friends and family, so she should focus on them, adding that her father is the one who will be missing out on sharing this exciting journey with her.
In her words of wisdom, Coleen noted that your environment affects who you become and how happy you are, so it is important to be around people with good values who make you want to live better, act better and be the best version of yourself.
