A 40-year-old woman has written to an advice columnist expressing her fear that she has missed her chance to find a husband, despite having many short-term relationships. She says she is consistently attracted to 'bad boys' who are charismatic and unpredictable but ultimately flaky and disrespectful, while 'nice guys' who are kind and responsive bore her due to a lack of 'spark' or 'edge'.
The columnist challenges her definition of 'too nice', pointing out that the qualities she lists—kindness, responsiveness, and a desire for commitment—are exactly what one would expect from a potential husband. She questions whether the woman truly wants a serious relationship or is addicted to the excitement of unreliable partners.
Referencing a study of nearly 4,000 people in Australia, Denmark, and Sweden, the columnist notes that men who score high on agreeableness (niceness) are statistically less likely to have a partner, while extroverted, confident men are more likely to be in relationships. However, she suggests that the woman may be overlooking a spectrum of personalities between 'nice' and 'bad', and that 'boring' might actually mean 'shy' or unfamiliar.
The columnist advises the woman to reflect on what she truly values in a partner, such as adventurous hobbies that provide excitement without the emotional turmoil of a 'bad boy'. She encourages her to break the pattern of pursuing men who bring unhappiness and to consider that no one is inherently boring—it is up to us to discover what makes them interesting.
