Coleen Nolan Addresses Reader's Concerns About Sexless Marriage
Agony aunt Coleen Nolan has offered thoughtful guidance to a reader who finds herself in a sexless marriage yet reports feeling profoundly content and happy with her husband. The reader, a woman in her early 50s, wrote to Nolan expressing confusion about whether her situation is normal or unusual.
The Reader's Dilemma: Contentment Amidst Change
The correspondent explained that over the past couple of years, sexual intimacy with her husband has gradually diminished until it stopped altogether. "We've drifted into a sexless marriage," she wrote, noting that there wasn't a single dramatic event that led to this shift. Instead, she attributes the change to the cumulative pressures of daily life: demanding work, ongoing stress, persistent tiredness, and the challenges of raising teenage children.
Remarkably, the reader emphasises that she and her husband remain extremely close. They describe themselves as best friends who enjoy each other's company, share laughter, and maintain a strong affectionate bond. Their physical connection persists through hugging, kissing hello and goodbye, and snuggling together on the sofa. "We're not unhappy, quite the opposite," she insists, though she acknowledges that the absence of sex has become "the elephant in the room."
Coleen Nolan's Reassuring Perspective
In her response, Coleen Nolan immediately offers reassurance, stating that this scenario is far more common than people might realise. She explains that long-term relationships often evolve, with couples sometimes drifting into a phase dominated by deep friendship and companionship. The comfort of a longstanding partnership can sometimes lead to a decrease in romantic and sexual effort, particularly when external pressures mount.
Nolan specifically references the "use it or lose it" principle, suggesting that when sexual activity ceases for an extended period, individuals may stop craving it or even thinking about it. "Sex isn't the be all and end all," she advises, especially when a relationship is built on a foundation that extends far beyond physical intimacy.
The Crucial Need for Open Communication
While validating the reader's feelings of contentment, Nolan gently challenges the assumption that both partners are completely satisfied with the status quo. She points out that since the lack of sex is acknowledged as an "elephant in the room," it warrants an open and honest conversation.
Nolan's practical advice focuses on initiating dialogue. She suggests that the couple set aside dedicated time to talk, perhaps during a quiet night off together. Starting the conversation can be as simple as saying, "We should talk about why we haven't had sex in a long time." This approach, she believes, could reveal whether both partners are genuinely content or if there is a hidden desire to rekindle their physical connection.
The agony aunt concludes on a hopeful note, observing that the couple's ongoing affection and tactile nature indicate that underlying desire likely still exists, even if it has been buried beneath life's daily stresses. Making time to reconnect on a deeper, more honest level could be the key to navigating this phase of their marriage successfully.
