The age-old struggle between a partner and their mother-in-law is a tale as old as time, but it's one that continues to cause heartache and headlines. The dynamic has been thrust back into the spotlight following revelations from Brooklyn Beckham about the fraught relationship between his wife, Nicola Peltz, and his parents, David and Victoria Beckham.
The Beckham Family Feud: A Public Power Struggle
In a candid disclosure, Brooklyn Beckham broke his silence on a significant family fallout. He claimed his parents had "endlessly" tried to undermine his relationship with Nicola, the daughter of billionaire Nelson Peltz, by telling him she was "not blood" and "not family." This public airing of private grievances highlights a painful, yet common, familial power struggle.
The tension reportedly reached a peak during the couple's wedding, with allegations that Victoria Beckham left Nicola "in tears" after "hijacking" their first dance, leaving the pair feeling "humiliated." This high-profile example mirrors the experiences of many. A YouGov survey found that almost a third of women have quarrelled with their mother-in-law, while separate research indicates 60% of women admit the relationship causes them long-term unhappiness and stress.
The Psychology Behind the Conflict
Psychologist and author Terri Apter, who wrote What Do You Want from Me? Learning to Get Along with In-Laws, explains that trouble often starts when a mother questions if a partner is good enough for her son, or selfishly fears her own bond will be challenged. Meanwhile, girlfriends seek respect for their relationship and its boundaries.
"Your family has rules you don't notice because they fade into the background," Apter says. "The new in-law steps into this family and sees all these strange dynamics and expectations... That's a threat."
This can escalate into what Apter's research identifies as "jealous maternal love," reported by two-thirds of daughters-in-law. In extreme cases, it may involve "emotional incest," where a mother seeks emotional partnership from her child, a dynamic threatened by a new romantic relationship.
Real-Life Stories and Navigating the Tension
Real-world examples are less dramatic than Prime Video's thriller The Girlfriend, but just as potent. One woman, Margot (30), felt blamed for her boyfriend's move to London, sensing friction because they spent more time near her family. The conflict was underscored when his mother gifted her a size 18 jumpsuit for Christmas when she is a size 12.
Another, Rosie (29), recalls her boyfriend's mother calling her by his ex-girlfriend's name at their first dinner. Such incidents, whether innocent mistakes or power plays, create lasting rifts. Apter advises that for sporadic jealousy, the best tactic is often to ignore it. However, persistent hostility requires the boyfriend to step in and affirm the "special status" of his partner through clear, united actions.
Crucially, Apter notes the man in the middle is often "in some way compliant" in the conflict and "needs to be schooled out of it," as he may be oblivious to the subtle jibes and tensions playing out around him.
Is There Ever a Winner?
Ultimately, Apter suggests no one truly "wins" this fight, just as you cannot win conflicts with blood relatives. The worst possible move is to issue an "it's me or her" ultimatum, which she labels destructive and a form of abuse. Instead, the key is resilience.
"No relationship is always in equilibrium," Apter states. "The key to dealing with that is knowing that calling someone out on their behaviour doesn't necessarily threaten the relationship. You can break apart and then repair." The path forward, therefore, lies not in victory, but in forgiveness, flexibility, and the understanding that occasional friction is part of any family dynamic, whether by blood or by marriage.
