Agony Aunt Jane O'Gorman offers straight-talking advice to Daily Star readers grappling with love, jealousy, and secrecy. In this week's column, she addresses three distinct dilemmas: a woman suspicious of her partner's infidelity, a friend consumed by jealousy, and a gay woman frustrated by her partner's refusal to come out to her parents.
Filthy Sex: A Woman Suspects Her Partner Is Cheating
A 28-year-old reader writes that her partner, a charismatic and 'saucy' man, frequently leaves for hours under the guise of doing DIY jobs for others, including a woman down the road she fears he is sleeping with. She describes him as 'highly addictive' and 'the love of my life,' but admits she cannot relax when he is out. He denies cheating, but she is tormented by thoughts of him with the other woman.
Jane O'Gorman advises the reader to see her partner for the 'rogue and cheat he is.' She warns against believing she can tame a lifelong playboy. 'If he has spent all his adult life chasing other women, then why is he going to change now?' Jane asks. She urges the reader to consider her future: 'Do you really want to live like this? What about marriage and children?' She emphasises self-respect and sexual health, concluding, 'Start trusting your instincts and open your eyes. I urge you to forget about him and start making plans before any more of your life passes you by.'
Screaming Inside: A Reader Battles Jealousy of Friends' Success
Another reader confesses to feeling intense jealousy when friends share news of promotions, pay rises, new kitchens, cars, and exotic holidays. She says she 'could scream at how rubbish my life is in comparison.' Jane advises against bitterness, instead encouraging the reader to use friends' success as motivation. 'Write down everything you wish to achieve in life and make it happen,' she says. 'Look at how they operate and learn from it. Use your energy and your skills positively and don't let anything hold you back. What about retraining or learning new skills? You must start making your own luck or you'll miss the boat.'
Buttoned Up: A Gay Woman Frustrated by Partner's Secrecy
A third reader describes her partner as 'weak and pathetic' for refusing to come out to her parents after ten years of living together as 'flat mates.' The reader is often excluded from family events and feels 'brushed under the carpet.' She notes that her partner's parents are kind and supportive of gay marriage, yet her partner remains closeted. An ultimatum was met with anger, and the reader feels 'unreasonable.'
Jane advises the reader to stop trying to understand her partner's reasons. 'Clearly the relationship she has with her parents is more complicated than you realise,' Jane writes. She suggests that the parents may be different behind closed doors. 'Ultimately only you can decide if you're prepared to stay – long term – in this relationship. If it's now getting to the point where you can no longer bear to live a lie, then maybe you do need to think about moving on.'
Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters, and not all problems will be published.
