The seemingly harmless phrase 'I don't mind' in response to a question like 'What shall we have for dinner?' could be a relationship dealbreaker, according to relationship experts. On the surface, it appears relaxed and easygoing, but it actually places extra labour on your partner by leaving the decision entirely to them.
Subway Takes Debate
The topic recently surfaced on an episode of Subway Takes, where host Kareem Rahma and a guest debated the phrase. The guest argued that saying 'I don't mind' is 'the opposite of being easygoing,' because a truly laidback person would simply make a decision. Kareem disagreed, saying, 'What if I don't mind? I literally don't mind.'
The guest responded that the indecisive person's main fear is 'the minor inconvenience that is disappointing someone,' which led the host to admit he does it for 'selfish' reasons. The discussion echoes long-standing social media debates, including a Reddit post that called the response 'one of the worst friendly acts you can do,' making you look both 'boring and lazy.'
Expert Views on Weaponised Incompetence
Relationship expert and couples counsellor Ness Cooper told Metro that this isn't just a harmless answer. It can constitute weaponised incompetence, where one partner acts helpless to force the other to make decisions. However, she noted that 'there are some couples where this form of dynamic can work, and others where it causes friction.'
Cooper explained that couples can fall into 'parent-child transactions,' where one leads core decisions. When this becomes regular, it can lead to withdrawal, frustration, and resentment. She also noted that this behaviour can be learned from childhood or culture, and may involve conflict avoidance, which is often reinforced by media portrayals of conflict as unhealthy.
Better Ways to Respond
Even if you genuinely don't mind, there are more helpful responses. Lovehoney's sex and relationships expert, Annabelle Knight, suggests saying something like 'I don't mind, but maybe somewhere relaxed.' This gives your partner 'something to work with rather than a closed answer.' She added that sometimes decisions need to be taken off our plate, and in that case, 'it's best to say. Communication is, as always, the key.'
