Going on a first date is a universally terrifying experience, whether it is your first or your fiftieth. While the rules of dating often seem as unsolvable as a master-level sudoku, there are some simple pieces of advice you can follow to avoid major faux pas.
Seven Major Turn-Offs According to an Expert
Annabelle Knight, Lovehoney's sex and relationships expert, has identified seven key behaviours that can be immediate deal-breakers on a first date. From inappropriate attire to failing to make eye contact, here is exactly how to ensure you make a positive impression and avoid being ghosted the next day.
Not Asking Questions
It is normal to be nervous and talk excessively on a date. However, Knight says failing to ask the other person anything about themselves is a massive turn-off. 'Communication is the number one bedrock of a solid relationship,' she explains, 'and this starts while dating. If you are not asking questions or showing any curiosity in getting to know them, then you are not giving them any reason to share themselves with you.' This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: you talk about yourself, they do not engage, and you continue to fill the silence by chattering more. In short, if you spend the whole date talking about yourself, do not expect another one.
Being Rude to Staff
Most of us have been on a date with someone whose behaviour towards staff is a massive turn-off. This can range from poor manners like forgetting to say please and thank you, to entitled rudeness. Knight agrees: 'Being rude to hospitality staff, whether you are in a restaurant or on an activity-based date, is an instant turn-off. It is not attractive at all, and it might give a potential partner a clue as to your wider personality.'
Not Making Eye Contact
While it can be hard to maintain eye contact when experiencing first date nerves, it is important to show the person that you are engaged with what they are saying. 'If you are not paying attention to the person you are on a date with (for example, if you are constantly looking around), then it suggests that you are not interested in them, or worse that you are shopping around for another date,' Knight says. To avoid this, make eye contact and ask follow-up questions without directing the conversation back to yourself, which makes you appear more curious and attractive.
Disagreeing on the Bill
The perennial question of who should pick up the bill on a first date remains. While expectations around splitting the bill are largely over, arguing about it too passionately is a recipe for disaster. 'It is great that there is more freedom of choice and less pressure for the man to always pay,' Knight says, 'but being weird about the bill can instantly undo all the hard work of a date. This could be an over-eagerness to pay and not listening to the other person's wish to split, or a complete unwillingness to pay. Either way, if you make a big deal of it, you could come across as rude or controlling.'
Turning Up Tipsy
Many of us have indulged in a quick drink with a friend before a nerve-wracking first date. But it is a very fine line: if you take it too far, it is potentially the biggest turn-off imaginable. 'Again, this should be a given in most social situations,' Knight says, 'but if you are turning up to a date obviously drunk, then that can be an instant turn-off. It shows that the date is not even the priority of that day for you, and expresses a level of disinterest in the person you are meeting, let alone the fact that it is rude.'
Dressing Inappropriately
When you agree to a date, you have a responsibility to show up both physically and emotionally. 'I am not saying that you need to turn up to every date dressed to the nines,' Knight says, 'but you should show that you are willing to make an effort, otherwise it can be a big turn-off. If you are eating at a fancy restaurant, then definitely dress up, but equally if you are going to play minigolf, then dress appropriately and make sure you get involved, rather than trying to appear above any activity you have planned.'
Disrespecting People's Boundaries
This really comes down to showing your date respect, even over things that might sound silly to you. 'Boundaries and consent are arguably the two most important things when meeting someone new,' Knight says, 'and indeed in a relationship full stop. You absolutely must respect the other person's boundaries when on a date (and at all times), whether this is around something simple like sharing food, or whether or not you go home together.' It is a dealbreaker as to whether you are a potential partner or someone they will block as soon as they get home.
