If you have a problem that needs solving and don't know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues with straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues, drug use, and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of readers over the years and isn't slowing down. If you want help, write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP, or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters, and not all problems will be published.
Reader's Dilemma: Workplace Affair
Reader: I frequently have sex with two women on the same day. One is my wife, the other is a sexy female colleague. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I don't have the strength to dump my lover because she's so funny and hot. She and I enjoy lunchtime romps in a disused office on the 9th floor from Monday to Friday. Passion amongst the old desks and obsolete computers is risky and exciting. Then I go home and bonk my wife all over again. I keep telling myself that I should end my affair, but by 9pm every Sunday evening, I'm desperate to touch my saucy lover again. I literally fall into her arms at work, and the whole cycle starts over. My wife is furious. She knows what is going on and keeps begging me to sort myself out, but I can't. My wife gives me stability, order, and a good home; my lover is wicked and wild. Sometimes, on a Wednesday night, I go round to her place if her flatmate is out. She loves different sexual positions; she demands games, toys, and screaming orgasms – which I'm more than happy to provide. I keep trying to explain to my wife that my fling doesn't affect our marriage; it doesn't take anything away from the love I have for her. My lover doesn't want to marry me. If anything, the affair probably makes me a better husband because I'm less stressed and less sexually frustrated. My wife has loads more time to see her friends and family, and her life is easy and free. I point out that I give her plenty of money and she's never had to work. But then I catch sight of myself in the mirror and think: 'What are you doing with your life?'
Jane's Response
Jane says: Here's a newsflash: You can't have the best of both worlds because your wife isn't happy. It would be a completely different matter if you had an open marriage and your wife had given you her blessing to cheat. But she hasn't, and you now need to finish with your lover and do your best to put your marriage back on track – before you lose everything. I echo your sentiments exactly. What are you doing with your life? Why do you continue to push the self-destruct button? Not only are you jeopardising your job, your reputation, and your credibility, but you're effectively killing your marriage too. I suspect that you'd be more than a little miffed if the boot was on the other foot. I wonder how you'd feel about your wife taking a lover of her own? Having a work-based lover may seem exciting and naughty to you, but can't you see the misery and unhappiness your selfish behaviour is causing? What about your wife's sexual health and her feelings? She is a caring, intelligent woman; she didn't sign up for this when she married you. Every time you walk out of that door and into the arms of another woman, you insult her and everything she does for you. You say you love the stability, order, and a good home she provides. Don't you realise that you're skating on very thin ice and that you could lose everything in a heartbeat.
Reader's Dilemma: Feeling Excluded
Reader: My oldest friend holds parties that we're not invited to. I fear that we're not trendy enough for her new neighbours. We always invite her and her partner to anything we host; yet several dinners have recently taken place without us. What do you think she's playing at?
Jane's Response
Jane says: Your friend is entitled to invite anyone she likes into her own home. You may have known each other for a long time, but you're not joined at the hip. Ask her if anything is wrong, but don't be surprised if she simply replies that she likes a mix of mates. Determine to carve out your own life with new people too. Sadly, if this old friendship has run its course, then you'll have to take that on the chin.
