In the latest round of reader dilemmas, agony aunt Jane O'Gorman tackles three distinct issues: a woman pressured to send daily nude photos to her boyfriend, a reader devastated by a former boss ending their friendship, and a daughter whose mother openly prefers her ex-husband.
Pressure to Send Daily Nudes
A reader writes that her boyfriend expects nude photos every day. She dislikes doing it but gives in when he makes a fuss. Each morning she takes snaps of her naked breasts, bum, and open crotch, which he appreciates and says turn him on. However, she worries he might show them to his mates and view her as a slut.
Jane responds firmly: "Your body, your choice. None of us should ever feel obliged to compromise ourselves just to impress another person." She adds that if the reader cannot trust him to keep the images private, he is "a liability and a law breaker," noting it is a criminal offence to share, send, or threaten to share intimate images without consent.
Jane suggests that if he dumps her for holding back, it would be a lucky escape, and asks: "What about dumping HIM - right now?"
Former Boss Ends Friendship
Another reader is devastated because her old boss no longer wants to be friends. The boss has said she is not interested in chats or coffees, and the reader must stop inviting her to parties and look away at professional events. The pair had been close for years, sharing holidays and days out, and supporting each other through personal crises.
Jane advises the reader to "back off and respect your ex-friend's position." She says if the woman wants a different future, give it to her, and it is not the reader's place to question her decisions. "It's her life and she can live it anyway she pleases," Jane writes, adding she will not offer false hope that the friend will return.
Instead, Jane urges the reader to focus on living her best life with people who want to spend time with her, and not assume she has done something wrong simply because the friend changed course.
Mother Favours Ex-Husband
A third reader says her mother hates her and adores her ex-husband, calling her a disappointment while fawning over him and his new partner. During an awkward August Bank Holiday gathering, the mother called the reader "a total mess" and said she was not surprised her husband left for someone "better."
Jane tells the reader to confront her mother, explaining she behaved appallingly and that the reader now needs time apart. "Your child is your priority and maintaining a decent relationship with your ex-husband is desirable and vital," she writes. Jane advises the reader to stand up for herself, noting the mother needs to "sober up and realise that you're your own person."
Readers seeking advice can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP, or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters, and not all problems will be published.
