A study published this week has found that people perceive apologies as more sincere when the apologiser uses longer words. Researchers concluded that this is due to the perceived extra effort the guilty party is putting in, even if that effort extends no further than using a slightly more elaborate word.
Dr Tara Quinn-Cirillo, a registered psychologist and associate fellow of the British Psychological Society, noted that apologising is difficult because it involves admitting vulnerability. 'Even if we might understand that what we did or said wasn’t OK, it’s still very hard because it’s admitting vulnerability and we’re not good at being vulnerable,' she said.
Examples of poor apologies abound. When actors Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis issued a video apology for writing letters requesting a lighter sentence for convicted rapist Danny Masterson, many observers concluded they were not particularly sorry. Similarly, former Labour chief secretary to the Treasury Liam Byrne offered an agonised apology in the Guardian for leaving a note saying 'I’m sorry there is no money left,' which he described as 'stupid', 'crass' and 'bloody offensive'.
Dr Quinn-Cirillo identified three key elements of a genuine apology: insight, reflection, and a change in behaviour. 'Do you have insight, can you reflect, can you change your behaviour? Those are the three key things,' she said. She warned against insincere apologies, noting that some people say sorry repeatedly without ever changing their behaviour.
The study's findings come as a reminder that a convincing apology requires more than just the word 'sorry'. Whether using longer words or demonstrating genuine reflection, the effort put into an apology matters to those receiving it.
