Approximately 17 years ago, while reading a fashion article in The Guardian, I began to notice signs that I stopped caring about what other people think. The writer suggested that no man over 30 should wear a hoodie and should instead live in pullovers. This felt like a personal affront as I was approaching 30, owned several hoodies, and did not want a lifetime of choosing between round-neck and V-neck pullovers. So I rejected that advice and kept my hoodies.
Now, more than 30 years after I first considered it, I am going to buy a T-shirt that says "Teenage Lobotomy." It is not just those words; it features an image from the movie Tank Girl, a chaotic comic book character created by Alan Martin and Jamie Hewlett. I did not buy it back then because I worried about what people would think. Would they assume I had a lobotomy? Would they recognize it as film merchandise? And what would my parents think?
After many hours spent in record shops contemplating the pros and cons, I never took it to the till. Now, 31 years later, I will add it to my online basket, click checkout, and eagerly await delivery. I am completely excited because this purchase signifies that I no longer care about others' opinions. I do not care if people know about the film or comic book, or if they find it strange. It is my declaration that I do things because I want to, not because others expect me to.
Maybe I should wear it to my hospital consultation in just over a week, where I will learn how much my cancer has spread. For those unaware, I have incurable bowel cancer. After three years of aggressive treatment, the cancer is fighting back, and I am likely among the 89% of stage four bowel cancer patients who do not survive beyond five years.
Wearing the T-shirt would symbolize that the fight continues. Cancer may be fighting back and will eventually win, but it cannot stop my mission to improve the lives of people with cancer. The Daily Express’s Cancer Care campaign achieved a victory in February when then Health Secretary Wes Streeting promised a personal cancer plan for each patient, including mental health support during and after treatment. Amid political turmoil in Westminster, I am working behind the scenes to ensure this plan stays on track.
I would like to say this is what Tank Girl would do, but I have not seen the movie or read the comics. The film was not in cinemas near me for long, and I do not recall it at the local video rental store. Nowadays, it is easier to track down old films thanks to the internet, so I will watch the movie before my T-shirt arrives.
I will keep doing what I want until I die, which I do not want to happen.
