Putting on a brave face when feeling exhausted by Christmas pressures could be storing up significant mental health problems for parents, according to new scientific research.
The Festive Strain and Emotional Honesty
A pioneering study tracking nearly 300 parents across the United Kingdom has found that increasing festive burnout makes it harder for mothers and fathers to be emotionally honest with their children. Dr Ziwen Teuber from the University of Luxembourg led the research, which used real-time smartphone surveys to monitor parents' experiences throughout the Christmas period.
"We were particularly interested in the Christmas period because it's a time when parenting stress often intensifies," Dr Teuber explained. "Routines change, social expectations increase, financial pressure rises and parents often feel responsible for creating enjoyable holiday experiences for their children."
The study, published in Communications Psychology, identified a clear pattern: as parental burnout increased, parents became more likely to suppress their true feelings in subsequent moments with their children.
The Consequences of the 'Happy Pretence'
Parental burnout is defined as chronic exhaustion, emotional distancing and loss of fulfilment specifically linked to parenting. The research suggests that instead of sharing genuine emotions, overwhelmed parents tend to suppress them or display feelings they don't actually experience.
"For example, pretending to be happy when they are exhausted or overwhelmed," said Dr Teuber. While this might offer short-term relief, she warns it is detrimental in the longer term for both parental mental health and parent-child interactions.
This emotional suppression risks parents accumulating more stress, while children miss crucial lessons that all emotions – including difficult ones – are normal and manageable.
Gender Dynamics and the 'Perfect Christmas' Myth
A separate analysis of the study's data found no significant gender differences in overall levels of parental burnout among the 293 participants. However, mothers shouldered a greater cognitive load, handling more of the planning, organising and mental labour related to the festive season.
Psychologist Patrik Bogdán from the University of Pécs, who has reviewed the impact of parental burnout on families, said the research challenges the idea that good emotion-regulation skills alone protect parents. He notes that Christmas is often characterised by haste and increased demands, contrary to the idyllic portrayal of relaxation and togetherness.
"The myth of the 'perfect Christmas' can further fuel self-criticism and emotional exhaustion," Bogdán stated, emphasising that burnout is a natural response to prolonged stressors, not a personal failing.
Practical Advice for Protecting Family Wellbeing
UK parenting coach and author Anita Cleare describes parental burnout as an "occupational hazard" of modern family life, where pressure to perform outstrips available resources. Her advice is refreshingly straightforward: do less.
"Parents don't need every tradition," Cleare advises. "Choose the traditions that have meaning for you, that create the experiences you want, and which embody your family values. And just do those."
Experts recommend several key strategies:
- Acknowledge stress instead of masking it: Use calm, age-appropriate honesty to help children learn emotional regulation.
- Build in moments of recovery: Even short breaks can prevent stress from accumulating.
- Share the emotional and mental load: Partner support in planning and organising significantly reduces pressure.
- Lower self-imposed standards: Burnout often affects those who place the highest demands on themselves.
Cleare concludes with a simple reminder of what matters most: "Children would rather snuggle on the sofa with you eating toast than have to sit at a table eating brussels sprouts."
