Prince Harry has spoken about losing part of his purpose and identity after leaving the military, and a psychotherapist has offered advice on how he might rebuild his sense of self.
Harry, 42, left the British Army in June 2015 after ten years of full-time military service, including two operational tours in Afghanistan. In early 2020, he and his wife, Meghan Markle, 45, stepped back as senior working royals and relocated to the United States, where they lived for six years before recently returning to the UK.
Since then, Harry has released his memoir Spare in 2023, appeared in several documentary productions, and devoted considerable effort to his charitable work, most notably the Invictus Games.
Harry on losing his purpose
Speaking to the NATO Military Committee in Brussels earlier this month, Harry reflected on his transition from service, stating: "When I hung up my uniform, I felt as though I had lost not simply a profession, but part of my purpose and identity. I was fortunate. I had another way to serve."
He disclosed that this deeply personal experience was a key driving force behind launching the Invictus Games, designed to help wounded and transitioning service personnel rebuild their confidence, sense of identity, and purpose after their military service.
Harry has undergone considerable change since returning to the UK, recently describing his main role as a "full-time dad" to Archie and Lilibet during an appearance on Joe Marler's podcast, Joe Marler Will See You Now. Sources indicate Harry has taken on the role of primary stay-at-home parent while Meghan travels for work commitments and manages her business ventures and acting projects.
Psychotherapist's perspective
Mark Vahrmeyer, psychotherapist and founder of Brighton & Hove Psychotherapy, shared his professional insight on how Harry might rediscover his sense of self amid all this upheaval.
Vahrmeyer exclusively told us: "I think Harry's difficulties with identity may go back much further than his departure from the army. The title of his autobiography, Spare, is particularly revealing in terms of how he has understood his place within his family.
"To define oneself as the spare is to define oneself in relation to somebody else. The question then becomes, who am I in my own right?"
He went on: "The army is an interesting institution psychologically because it does not necessarily encourage individuals to develop their own identity. Rather, it provides them with one.
"There is a clearly defined hierarchy, a role, a uniform, a community and a sense of purpose. In return for belonging to the institution, the individual is required to surrender something of their individuality.
"This is not necessarily a bad thing. Indeed, the sense of belonging and purpose that military life provides can be enormously containing. However, the difficulty comes when somebody leaves and that structure is suddenly no longer there.
"Many former servicemen and women struggle with this transition, sometimes profoundly, and veteran homelessness remains a serious concern, although its causes are considerably more complex than simply losing a sense of identity.
"What strikes me about Harry is that he was born into one institution that defined who he was and subsequently joined another that offered him a different, but equally prescribed, identity. He has now left both."
Vahrmeyer explained that from a psychoanalytic perspective the challenge isn't merely to discover another role to bridge the void. It's about developing a sense of self that relies less heavily on external frameworks and other people's expectations.
"That can be a difficult and sometimes painful process because it involves mourning what has been lost, while also confronting the question of who we are when those external definitions fall away," he said.
Family tensions and festive plans
Harry's return to the UK has been anything but smooth in terms of any potential reconciliation with his father, King Charles III. The tension surrounding their public duties persists, with the King publicly stating that the pair are operating as private individuals, not official working members of the Royal Family.
Harry and Meghan are also not expected to spend Christmas in the UK and will not be joining the Royal Family at Sandringham. Those close to the couple suggest that a shared royal Christmas is still too uncomfortable and challenging, and no invitation was anticipated or requested.
Instead, the couple's festive plans revolve around Meghan's mother, Doria Ragland. Sources suggest that while they would welcome Doria visiting the UK, they intend to respect her wishes, which likely means travelling to California for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Rediscovering identity after leaving the military
Psychotherapist and mental health specialist Noel McDermott, founder of Mental Health Works, explained that the armed forces intentionally foster a highly distinctive identity, especially among front-line troops, to help with the fundamental task of facing danger.
"Loss of that identity is a well-known issue within the armed forces and they invest a lot in supporting staff in making the transition to civilian life," he said. "Nevertheless, many discharged personnel find the transition challenging."
McDermott suggests that constructing a new identity involves four fundamental principles. He further advises those leaving the armed forces to seek help for any PTSD difficulties stemming from their service through EMDR, Rewind or medication.
"Do not ignore these issues as they won't go away without help and PTSD will stop someone from being able to do the work needed to develop a new identity," he said.
