Zoe Burke woke up suddenly and checked her daughter's crib, as she always did. Her baby was only five days old and unable to move on her own, but in Zoe's mind, she was not there. Panic set in, and she tried to leap out of bed, convinced she had left the infant on a bookshelf downstairs. The vivid image of her daughter falling and hitting her head felt real. Only the pain from frantically moving her postpartum body brought her back to reality. She saw her daughter sleeping peacefully in the crib, where she had been all along.
A Lifetime of Intrusive Thoughts
These intrusive thoughts were part of Zoe's life long before motherhood. She always had a worst-case scenario mindset, often imagining loved ones dying. As a child, she feared her grandparents would die in front of her. As an adult, she visualized being crushed by trains on platforms. Reading an interview with George Ezra about his OCD with intrusive thoughts was a revelation. She realized she had likely been living with the same condition since childhood.
Pregnancy Worsened Symptoms
When Zoe became pregnant in 2018, her intrusive thoughts intensified. They shifted entirely to the baby. Any strange movement sent her spiraling, consumed by fear that her baby had died. During a blood test, she had a panic attack. Her GP referred her for cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to address her needle phobia. She learned grounding techniques, but the intrusive thoughts worsened after giving birth.
Postpartum brought exhaustion and physical discomfort, making her mental state fragile. She became afraid of her own mind. She feared sleeping in case her baby stopped breathing. She needed to touch her daughter constantly. She would see her baby missing an eye or limb before reality returned. Carrying her daughter down the stairs triggered visions of falling and crushing her. The shame was overwhelming.
Seeking Help
Zoe's GP referred her to group therapy, but she could not face sharing her thoughts with strangers. She did not attend and did not ask for further help. As her daughter grew, the intrusive thoughts became a background hum. She worried about choking or abduction. She stayed awake when her partner was away, fearing she would die in her sleep.
A turning point came when a friend expressed genuine concern after Zoe admitted she had stayed up all night checking for intruders. In July 2024, she returned to her GP, who diagnosed OCD and referred her to a therapist. The diagnosis was confirmed. She was prescribed SSRIs, which quieted the constant noise. Over six months, she learned to manage her intrusive thoughts.
Reframing the Thoughts
A key shift came when her therapist explained that her mind fixates on worst-case outcomes because she loves deeply. This reframe reduced shame. Zoe still experiences intrusive thoughts daily, but she recognizes them as anxiety manifestations, not predictions. The SSRIs help her sleep better. She is not cured, but she no longer lives in constant fear.
