Every day, the Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman tackles readers' issues with straight-talking advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence problems, she has helped thousands. Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Queasy in the Bedroom
A reader writes that his new girlfriend scares him in the bedroom. She is a sassy woman who knows what she wants, often arriving at his flat wearing black suspenders, stockings, and high heels. He feels intimidated. On one date, she wore a flimsy dress with nothing underneath and whispered about passion and multiple orgasms. He flopped under pressure, claiming a headache. She likes watching porn, but her tastes are too extreme for him. He wants to join her but feels queasy. He needs to rise to the challenge but is self-conscious about role-playing and fears losing her faith.
Jane says: "Is being scared in the bedroom conducive to a successful and happy relationship? If you recoil every time your girlfriend comes near you, then maybe you must accept that you're out of your depth. Every time she demands kinky sex, you freeze. Every time you fail to maintain an erection, sex flies off the menu. You may kid yourself that she's amazing, but you're not evenly matched. Start accepting that your girl is too different. Concentrate on finding someone on your level."
Coping with a Partner's Childhood Trauma
Another reader says his girlfriend's parents were useless, taking drugs and drinking too much. She feels cheated out of a decent childhood, having lived with various family members and attended numerous schools. She wants her father to apologise and give her money for 'ruining' her life, but he doesn't take her seriously. They clash whenever they speak. The reader is dealing with the fallout and struggles to cope with her fury and frustration.
Jane advises: "Your girl is hurting and feels someone must pay for her childhood pain, but none of us can turn back the clock. If her father won't apologise, give cash, or accept responsibility, she must draw a line and move on. Suggest she talks to her GP about counselling. Tell her you're prepared to support her. Take on life-affirming challenges together, but also highlight the good things in her life today: her health, her home, her friends – and you. Your mental health is important too."
