In a heart-wrenching plea for guidance, a Canadian mother has revealed to The Independent's agony aunt how her life unravelled after her husband left her for a colleague more than two decades his junior, leaving her homeless and battling for custody of their children.
A Life Unravelled: From Love to Loss
The woman, writing under the pseudonym 'Heart and Life Broken', detailed a relationship that began with great promise in the year 2000. She married her partner just eight months after their first date, moved back to their native Canada, and started a family, having two sons who are now 15 and 16.
However, the birth of their second child marked a turning point, ending their intimacy. The situation deteriorated further when she became a stay-at-home mother, leading to feelings of resentment and a lack of support. Her husband then began an affair with a colleague 22 years younger than him.
Seven years later, just before the Covid-19 pandemic, he left her and their sons for his new partner. The writer was left as a full-time single parent while working as an essential worker – a postal worker – with no support network. As her ex and his new partner were expecting a baby and wanted to avoid exposure to the virus, she had her boys full-time for a year.
The Devastating Aftermath and a Fight for Stability
The fallout has been catastrophic. While her ex-husband has built a new family, the writer has lost her home and is currently living in a shelter. She now sees her children only once a week and is fighting to secure housing and regain custody.
She is taking medication and attending therapy to manage severe anxiety and has recently returned to work, a move she describes feeling excited about. Despite these positive steps, she faces ongoing hostility from her ex and his now-wife, who have been unsupportive.
Most painfully, her ex-husband has repeatedly told their struggling children: "Your mother is irrelevant. Nothing she says or does matters." The writer describes her heart as broken, having once considered him the love of her life, and states that everything seems to have gone wrong at once.
Agony Aunt's Response: Acknowledging Resilience and Grief
In her reply published on Thursday 4 December 2025, The Independent's agony aunt, Victoria Richards, expressed how her own heart broke reading the letter. She praised the writer's remarkable resilience in enduring so many awful moments while still actively seeking help and returning to work.
Richards identified a pattern of profound let-downs: the grief surrounding a premature baby, a loss of intimacy marked by cruel words, a loss of support upon becoming a stay-at-home mother, and the ultimate betrayal of the affair. She condemned the ex-husband's behaviour, particularly his act of badmouthing the mother of his children, stating there is no excuse for it.
Her key advice was to recognise that the current situation, however dire, is temporary. She highlighted the writer's concrete achievements – returning to work with a positive attitude and maintaining consistent weekly contact with her sons – as crucial steps towards proving herself a fit parent for future custody considerations.
Richards urged the writer to treat the end of the relationship as a bereavement, allowing herself time to openly mourn the loss of the man she thought she knew. She encouraged her to grieve, rage, and seek resources on breakups, with the assurance that her heart would one day heal.
The final, poignant message from the agony aunt focused on enduring love: "The man you loved might not be here anymore, but the love that made your boys remains. It’s inside you and it’s inside them – and nobody can ever take that away."
Victoria Richards invites others with problems concerning love, relationships, family, or work to email her at dearvix@independent.co.uk for anonymous advice.
