Dee Whitnell, a non-binary sex educator and content creator, first encountered the term non-binary on Instagram at age 21. The discovery, described as a lightbulb moment, resolved years of confusion over gender identity. Dee realized they did not have to choose between he and she pronouns or a single gender expression.
Early Life and Gender Exploration
Raised in a hyper-feminine environment, Dee started competitive dance at age three, wearing girly costumes. However, they also enjoyed wrestling with their father and relished rare boy roles in dance. A childhood photo shows Dee in a princess dress with Timberland boots, which they say epitomizes their lifelong gender questioning.
At 14, Dee quit dancing due to discomfort with constant feminine presentation. They took up boxing, which felt euphoric. In their early teens, Dee pressured themselves into girlhood, copying friends' styles, using fake tan, and wearing acrylic nails. At 15, they even considered a boob job.
Exploring Masculinity
In late teens, an episode of Hollyoaks featuring trans character Jason Costello inspired Dee to explore masculinity. They shaved their head, replaced their wardrobe, bound their chest, and used he pronouns. Dee looked into starting testosterone, assuming that discomfort as a girl meant comfort as a boy. While happier with a smaller chest and correct pronouns, Dee felt unable to explore feminine interests, fearing it would invalidate their male identity.
Impact on Relationships
This binary pressure affected Dee's relationships. They felt compelled to maintain a consistent gender identity with romantic partners, forcing themselves into binary expressions to keep loved ones around.
Discovering Non-Binary Identity
During the first Covid lockdown, Dee found the term non-binary on Instagram. The definition immediately resonated. Dee's parents agreed, recalling how Dee used to wrestle in a Disney princess dress. Initially, Dee forced themselves into androgyny to ensure respect for their identity. Over time, they learned to enjoy both feminine and masculine things without compromising their identity.
Now 27, Dee has been non-binary for six years, using they/them pronouns. They experience dysphoria and misgendering more when presenting feminine but feel liberated from constant self-monitoring. Dee buys clothes based on preference, not gender perception.
Representation and Advocacy
Dee works as a sex educator, visiting schools to speak with young people. Students often say Dee is the first non-binary adult they have met. Dee finds comfort in providing representation they lacked growing up. They express non-binary as both no gender and all gender, feeling free to wear what they want.
As told to Izzie Price.
