New Rules for Workplace Communication
Bridget Dalton, a semiotician and cultural analyst at Truth Consulting, says that the old rules of rudeness were partly about showing respect to people above you in the social hierarchy. “It would once have been considered impolite for a junior employee to set a boundary with a senior colleague, but now it’s much ruder to impose on people who are more junior.” For example, now that most email services allow you to schedule messages, Dalton believes emailing junior staff outside working hours is an intrusion. “Contacting them out of hours implicitly suggests they should pick it up, and that’s not fair.”
Brief Replies and Instant Messaging Etiquette
Sophie Jewes, co-founder of the image consultancy agency Raven, says ultra-brief replies like “Yep,” “Nope,” and “Noted” can come across as dismissive. “These aren’t replies; they’re shrugs. Could you really not locate a single additional word?” She also criticises a double chase: “Following up on a follow-up feels like walking into someone’s office and standing there until they look up.” Christine Porath, a professor at UNC Kenan-Flagler Business School in North Carolina, advises against using chat platforms for conversations that could easily happen in person, as it risks treating colleagues like names on a screen rather than people sharing the same space.
Remote Work and Public Behaviour
Ione Gamble, editor of The Polyester Book of (Bad) Taste, says taking Zoom calls from cafes gives the impression that the caller thinks they have somewhere more important to be. “There’s always a dog barking. There’s always someone trying to squeeze behind them.” She also dislikes permanent out-of-office messages that set rigid reply hours, saying, “It’s like, ‘OK. Sorry for bothering you.’” Playing TikTok videos out loud on public transport, in cafes, restaurants, and taxis is another major faux pas. Gamble says, “You’re prioritising your own comfort over everyone else’s, which is the definition of rudeness to me.”
Earphone Etiquette at the Till
Porath says a study of 2,000 US workers found grocery store assistants increasingly report shoppers continuing phone calls on earphones while checking out. “They’re interfacing with humans, but humans are not treating them with dignity or respect.” Dalton argues there is a hierarchy: announcing the interruption to the caller is better, but best practice is taking earphones out before entering a shop.
Dating and Social Interactions
Olivia Petter, author and founder of the Red Lips singles night, says initiating a meet-up without following through, or attending singles events when emotionally unavailable, are pre-date sins. “If you’re looking for an ego boost, post a thirst trap on Instagram instead.” Kitty Drake, the Guardian’s Blind date matchmaker, says mutual ghosting after a first date can be polite, while sending a rejection text like “You’re lovely, but…” can feel presumptuous. Promising to set a friend up and not following through is also considered rude.
Messaging Friends and Family
Using ChatGPT to write a heartfelt message may signal caring but can come across as outsourcing feelings, says Dalton. Gamble finds voice note replies rude, whether short (easily typed) or long (demanding time). Ivana Giachino from Lo Studio says adding someone to a WhatsApp group without consent is an invasion of privacy. Carrera Kurnik of Internet Anthropology notes that not “hearting” suggested plans in a group chat leaves the suggester hanging. Leaving a WhatsApp group without warning is only acceptable if someone has done something abhorrent, says Petter.
Content Creation and Social Media
Kurnik says making content about strangers, such as filming first dates for TikTok, raises rudeness issues because “rudeness gets clicks.” Gamble wants to “ban” street vox poppers. Wedding planner Sarah Haywood says guests filming every detail at weddings before the couple shares anything is poor etiquette. Food writer Alexandra Dudley advises turning off video sound when posting from parties and not sharing unflattering photos of friends. Giachino believes adults are too casual about posting pictures of friends’ children without consent.
Social Events and RSVPs
Haywood notes an epidemic of “RSVP amnesia” and people waiting for better plans. Petter says, “Grow up, make a decision and commit to it.” Cancelling in the public WhatsApp group can give permission for others to cancel, says Dalton. Leaving your phone face up on the table is impolite; Dudley says phones shouldn’t be at the dinner table. Vaping or smoking before dessert separates the party, and assuming your dog is invited to plans is rude, especially at someone’s house, says Gamble.
